Only person hurting is myself

Rule no 5. Don't take yourself so seriously! I must apply that to myself. Have a splitting headache now from all those tears and lack of sleep! 

One thing for me to strive for

No expectations of time spent together with him

No expectations of dates - of joy on his part in being able to be with family

Most importantly - I cannot let my mood be affected by others. I can control how I feel how I react to things. 

So that's the ghatam ghatam resolution! Not to the relationship but to expectations of time together etc. can be done. 

Be like the kids. No expectations. Good when he's there fine when he's not. Life goes on no grudges. 

Peace

Nice:) 

The letter I wish I could leave

Hi 

I've taken the kids for a year long holiday in Europe. Hope that gives you some much time needed time to attend temple meetings go out with your friends organize and attends sports meets patrol the blocks go for rc meetings and take care of your work. Let us know in a years time if that was enough time or you'd like a bit more time

Love 

Family 

Hmm

I concede it's possible I'm overreacting. 

Anyway in some ways im at a ghatam ghatam stage. 

He gifted me a day of his precious time for which I am to be eternally grateful 

I shall hold it dear and expect nothing more. 

I shall leave him one day and he'll be free to throw himself full force into his extra curricular activities. 

Only pity the kids will miss him. He won't miss them. They are useful distractors in his busy life. Possibly they may not miss him either. 

Just thoughts

So as a third time mother I feel some pressure! People seem to think I should be really cool this pregnancy and an old hand at things! That makes me nervous - I'm ok. Deep breaths. Pillayar is with me. Aunty Meena is with me. Just go with the flow. Just flow. I am an element flowing with the other elements. 

There is no I

To be free I must let go of 'I' . 

Ego belongs to the I. Ego and I let the self get angry hurt feel betrayed - the I and ego get together in 'righteousness' and ' indignation' to protest against perceived harms to the I. Without the I, I we can be free to ebb and flow with time. 

Ruminations on Hinduism

I am reading the Shiva Trilogy Books now - I am thoroughly fascinated by the book and by the research the reading of the books is leading me to.

This post here is about how I love the Hindu religion and how exciting the stories within it are

1. Shiva is such a personality - he and Vishnu are like two sides of a coin
when speaking of Vishnu, I am of course thinking of Lord Rama of the Ramayanam - calm, collected,
also Krishna, playful charming

And then there is Shiva - rebel, unkempt hair, dancing wildly, tribal, fiery, the destroyer, the revered

He and Vishnu go to one another for advice and help and seem to mutually respect the power of each, they tease one another - like the Mohini episode - such camaraderie between the Gods! and of course, we all know there is only one God, only one oneness - so all these forms playing with one another, just another way of seeing things


And the, Shiva Rathiri - no wonder so many erotic songs refer to Shiva Rathiri - it is Lord Shiva's wedding night with Sati

such all consuming love they have

I love it that our Gods make love and that they are 'encouraged', others beseech the Gods to love - for if the Gods don't love there can be no love on earth! such a simple concept, so beautiful and yet so arresting - so potentially offensive for those of the more prudish disposition! hahaha.


And the battles between the sexes in the heavens even as they love one another, - take the creation of Ganesha! Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvathi engage in a battle where Vishnu and Bramha have to all come and pray to both to reconcile their differences because the world cannot take it when they fight

The female shakthi and male shakthi - female energy and male energy - such beautiful concepts
I love my religion, I dont' understand all of it, I never will, and I may not take to every aspect of it, but I love it - I love the mystery, the depth, the liberation of the relition.

The Shiva Thandavam - what a dance it must be - channeling the energy of the earth through dance - that is the power of music and dance

And the idea, the concept of the Jeevatma yearning to reach out to the Paramatma - that is a beautiful concept.

More ruminations to come, for sure.
Thank you God for the brilliant writers of the world!

Lakshmi - Epitome of Love

I just found out, late last night, that the name Lakshmi means the Epitome of Love
I can't think of a more appropriate name for my lovely mother
She is truly the epitome of Love
Always always thinking of others first, always her children first, always striving to do the best for everyone, keeps all her sadness to herself - I am so blessed to have her as my mother.
her other name, Padma, is just another name for Lakshmi.
She is Lakshmi through and through.
and I understand how she can be the person she is. I think the name does add to the personality of the person holding that name. if the person is open to receiving the goodness associated with the name that is.

And, the name we are thinking of for our new baby, Aishwarya, is also another name for Lakshmi.
Isn't that beautiful?
It gives me a way of naming my daughter after my mother subtly.

And the name Lakshmi, and her other names - wow! they connote, bring to the family, wealth, prosperity both materially and spiritually, connote grace and beauty - inner beauty that shines through - lovely things to wish for our daughter yes?

Check out this link - it's pretty amazing:

http://www.dollsofindia.com/library/devis/

"Lakshmi is the embodiment of Love"
Goddess Sri Mahalakshmi has many names, such as Padma, Padmavati, Padmamukhi, Padmapriya, Padmakshi, Padmamaladhara devi, Padmasundari, Kamala, Ulkavahini and Vishnupriya. Her other names are Indira, Rama, Chakrika, Manushri, Kamalika, Chanchala, Jalaja, Bhumi Devi, Nandika, Vaishnavi, Lalima, Rujula, Bhargavi, Sridevi, Narayani and Aishwarya.She is commonly referred to as the Jaganmata (the Mother of the Universe) in Shri Mahalakshmi Ashtakam.

Sri Mahalakshmi or Lakshmi, as the Goddess is also referred to, is the Hindu Goddess of Wealth, auspiciousness, purity, prosperity and generosity. She also embodies charm, beauty and grace. 

________
Akshaya's other name is Kalyani - after my mother in law, and that is another name for Goddess Parvathi, as is my name, Meenakshi.

Ashwin Ram - Ram is of course Lord Ram.

Ashwin refers to the first star in the evening sky - I think of it as meaning a sign of hope:-)
Akshaya's name means one who cannot be defeated, and one who is always full of bounty- full of love, energy, hope, beauty, generosity

I am blessed indeed!

Everything but the Brain

Can you hate a play because it’s so good? So bitingly close to reality that you can’t stand it, for it presents to you awful awful realities you don’t want to contemplate? That’s how I feel towards Everything but the Brain. It makes me cry, makes me angry. Stupid book. I hate it. 

Happy to be back at work

I'm back at work - and I am happy!
isn't that nice!
I like the people, the buzz around the work - the excitement!
Thank you God!!!