Friday, August 26, 2022

water

I come to water
because life thrives here

By the River on Friday Evening

I catch a heron and a dragonfly at play

A striated heron fidgets by the edge of the water
Silver bodies of fish flash in the shallows
but no
the heron darts at the dragonfly
which hovers tantalisingly close before flying away 
The bird ignores the fish
the way I ignore fruit
and reaches for the dragonfly 
the way i reach for a packet of crisps
on a cool Friday evening at home. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

safe

somehow the world seems a less safe place today 
maybe it's the barrage of news that assaults us every morning when we tune in to social media
the algorithm churning out more bad news to match the ones that we already receive 
Big people get stabbed, shot at, and die everyday 
Shizuko Abe, ( May God rest his soul)  Samantha Rushdie ( thanks goodness he seems to have survived) 
but so do the little people
a girl on a water slide 
a baby 
a man 
an old man
death has been busy 
and laws change mutate
seeming to reach out to embrace 
its arm on your should warns you it can yet strangulate 
repeal an outdated law that criminalises sex between men
and change the constitution to protect marriages 
to appease blood thirsty masses 
you may have seen but may never marry 
and gay children shall never be on our text list, 
cancel them by cancelling them

Monday, August 22, 2022

govt

the government is giving itself more and more rights and privileges 
giving a biscuit and taking a house 
repealing 377a but making it virtually impossible for guys to marry here

changing the constitution.  you know who changes constitutions? despots and tyrants.
cue rajapaksha. who gave himself rights to appoint anyone he wants as minster and helicoptered his family in. 

all ministers are ministers for truth. 

and now they define marriage and state no one can challenge definition citing equal rights. 

meaning they know they can be challenging and so put it out it can't! 

cowards. 

control freaks. 


he she they

I have recently come to understand that non binary people identify as they rather than he or she  I'm late to this party I truly am. 

I applaud that 
and I wonder now

could I be a they too

firstly in solidarity with those who identify as non binary
we should more of us use they

otherwise just those using they would he identified as non binary
if more of us adopted the pronoun it would appear to be more welcoming and accepting? 
.also if I say I am not non binary 
does that make me binary? .I quite protest and so do my multiple selves
for when are we ever only one
I carry many selves and they all yearn to be acknowledged

it would be interesting and more true for my daughter to say 

Meenakshi is my mother
and they are very pleased to meet 
all the multiples selves that are my mum welcome you to their home

writerly self

I have a writerly self
who pens in secret on weekends and in the margins


making space 2

you taught us to make space for you

to adjust      physical space 
           books and beds your perches
close all the windows 
      ribbons, bridges, papers your toys 
a room full of twigs and leaves

to slide   routines 
          zoom meetings with bird call
      after school song stop 
        apple slices and kangkong
hourly wipe downs of sills and surfaces 

to open up    purses
vitamin enriched grains
    fruits, sunflower seeds
       millet sprays 
            doctor visits

to shift        the spaces in our hearts
       for a curved beak 
for green so green 
    tinted with red and aquamarine 
for your call 
       your name
        to nest 

and to grow around the gap 
                 you left when you left. 
    
#jemstones #noprompt  #opentocrit #birdanniversary

making space

you taught us to make space for you

to adjust      physical space 
           books and beds your perches
close all the windows 
      ribbons, bridges, papers your toys 
a room full of twigs and leaves

to slide   routines 
          zoom meetings with bird call
      after school song stop atop ponytailed heads
hourly wipe downs of sills and surfaces 

to open up    purses
vitamin enriched grains
    fruits, sunflower seeds
       millet sprays 
            doctor visits

to shift the spaces in our hearts
       for a curved beak 
for green so green 
tinted with red aquamarine 

for your call 

your name

to nest 

and to grow around the gap you left
when you left. 

reflections after class

I do have a voice people would like to hear more of
I must rework a few poems at a time, starting now, every weekend. and park them in a ready to go folder 
I must read works of poetry and see how they have been organised, titled, sectioned. what they start and end with. for local works see who published then

1. Ann ang 
2.Esther Vincent 
3. Shawn loo
4. Mary jean chan
5. Chen chen 
6. Emily Barry
7. Billy Collins 
8. Wendy Cope
9. Aaron Maniam 
10. Pooja Nansi
11. Brian Bilston

I must think of titles and print my poems my poems lay them out on the floor. 

I want to have 40 poems. 
if I rework 2 poems at a time each week, I need 20 weeks 
but 13 are more or less done. so only need 28 more poems so 14 weeks.

just nice. so my printing and choosing titles and all will be from Nov. 

meanwhile I'll be reading the week and revising in the weekend. 

reading books of poetry. reading on the new places to send my poetry collections to. 

poems I hope to include 
1. Cambodia
2. elephants 
3. rest 
4. love lace lost 
the 13 
5. excel poem 
others 


Sunday, August 21, 2022

love lace lost gained and all

you taught us how to make space for you when you suddenly turned up unannounced 
demanding food water shelter.. songs games ... love. 
did you demand? 
maybe not.
you came and we made space because we had
you were our guest and you were to have the best 
a personal games ic
as large a cage
and a room to fly free most of the day 
sunflower seeds and paper 

and us. 
to feed you.talk to you. clean up after you. sing to you. love you. just love you. 

you also taught us to grieve, after you left, cleaving our hearts in two
there is a lovebird shaped hole in our lives and hearts no and we learn to plaster over it
it will never fully heal you know
but
as we learned to grow around you
so we learn to grow around your absence too
for that is what plants, weedz creepers do. what humans do. we learn to adjust. 
you
you taught us love and loss, joy and grief, patience. 

projector- rest

Rest

How do we rest in unguarded moments, 

the way water rests when it meets the shore, in undulating curves, 

the way a fallen leaf settles in the river, forming a pool within its folds for fish,

the way a tree trunk bends to find the light and new branches sprout along its length,

the way you lift your arm to let me in, the hour before sunrise?

projector poem: Cambodia

Cambodia

Giddy with the thrill of an unplanned holiday,
I’m in Phnom Penh with 3 uni mates I hardly know.
Just 21, with the world unfurling before us, 
we head straight to the tourist attractions. 

Shelf after shelf of skulls 
line the book case,
and i cannot turn away
from the 10,000 eyes,
eye sockets,
trained on me.

The space so quiet 
terror walks up from behind me 
to gaze at the displays together with me, 
and then at me.

The years telescope back to 1979
a black and white TV
playing a film
where side by side
a child toddles in a HDB flat, gurgling
before she falls into her mother's waiting arms, 
while a young girl, 
in the middle of a silent scream, 
falls back into a pit here,
her skull extracted and displayed now on this shelf. 

As I walk on through other 'attractions', 
my mind is seared with the grinning skulls,
in turn accusing me
forgiving me, 
holding me 
still.

‐----

projector poems: slip and slide 3

Slip and Slide 

30 years ago, I bought them jellies,
two each to be fair, red and green, chilled and conical.  

Same taste, but they preferred the red, 
a ruby that held the light before it slid down their throats, slippery sweet. 

They stood poised over the bin, she with a foot on the pedal, body curved towards the jelly, 
he falling back, eyes wide in his full moon face.

She went for the red first, 
peeling off the top and tilting her head back all at once, a dance with light. 
I could almost hear it slide down her gullet.  

He started with the green first, keeping the best for last. His five-year-old fingers fumbled, his red slid straight into the bin.  

They were always like that, she rushing for the best first, he toddling behind, careful. 

She now pours her love on us first too, uncaring if there will be any left for later, while he waits, guarding jealously his hoard of loving words, sometimes letting them go to waste.

-‐------
Many thanks to Xiang Yeow for ghe helpful critical eye! 

prompt. write a prose poem, recollecting a childhood incident and fictionalising it. 

Slip and slide 2 ( him).

Slip and Slide 

30 years ago, I bought them jellies,
two each to be fair, red and green, chilled and conical.  

Same taste, but they preferred the red, 
a ruby that held the light before it slid down their throat, slippery sweet. 

They stood poised over the bin, 
him with a foot on the pedal, body curved towards the jelly, 
she falling back, eyes wide in her full moon face.

He went for the red first, 
peeling off the top and tilting his neck back all at once, a dance with light. 
 I could almost hear it slide down his gullet.  

She started with the green first, keeping the best for last. Her five year old fingers fumbled, her red slid straight into the bin.  

They were always like that, he rushing for the best first, she toddling behind, careful. 

He now pours his love on us first too, uncaring if there will be any left for later while she waits, guarding jealously her hoard of loving words, sometimes letting them go to waste.

-‐------
Many thanks to Xiang Yeow for his helpful critical eye! 

prompt. write a prose poem, recollecting a childhood incident and fictionalising it. 

slip and slide 1

Slip and Slide 
30 years ago, I bought them jellies, two each to be fair, red and green, chilled and conical.  Same taste, but they preferred the red, a ruby that held the light before it slid down their throat, slippery sweet. 

They stood poised over the bin, him with a foot on the pedal, his whole body curved towards the jelly, she falling back, her eyes wide in her full moon face. He went for the red first, peeling off the top, and tilting his neck back, all at once, a dance with light.  I could almost hear it slide down his gullet.  

She started with the emerald first, keeping the best for last. Her five year old fingers fumbled, and her red slid straight into the bin.  

They were always like that, he rushing for the best first, she toddling behind, careful. He now pours his love on us first too, uncaring if there will be any left for later while she waits, guarding jealously her hoard of loving words, sometimes letting them go to waste.

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

pantoum 3

Pantoum for a baby

We waited for you.
You took your time 
to savour your first breath, 
to leave your place in the sky.

You took your time
for us to hold you,
to leave your place in the sky.
You gave us time to prepare

to hold you
to grow around you.
We had to be prepared 
for the curse that is to love and be loved.

We grow around you.
A lifetime of worry hangs over our heads now,
that is the curse to love and to be loved.
but you made us whole, well worth the wait.

A lifetime of worry hangs over our heads now
because we waited for you.
Yet you made us whole, well worth the wait
to savour your first breath.

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

slow

Today I am Slow
I cannot be rushed
I take one foot and raise it before the other and then repeat step after step
my co worker walks past me
a cyclist dashes past
a boy with his dog
they all go past me
today I am Slow

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Panton 2

Pantoum for a baby

We waited for you,
you took your time 
to savour your first breath 
to leave your place in the sky.

You took your time
for us to hold you,
to leave your place in the sky,
we had to be prepared,

for us to hold you
make space for you, grow around you.
We had to be prepared 
for the curse that is to love and be loved,

make space for you and grow around you
a lifetime of worry hanging over our heads
for that is the curse to love and to be loved 
you made us whole, well worth the wait

a lifetime of worry hanging over our heads
We waited for you
you made us whole, well worth the wait
to savour your first breath.

Panton for a baby

I waited for you
you took your time 
to savour your first breath 
to leave your place in the sky

you took your time
for us to hold you
to leave your place in the sky
we had to be prepared

for us to hold you
make space for you, grown around you
we had to be prepared 
for the curse that is to love and be loved 

make space for you and grow around you
a lifetime of worry hanging over our heads
for the curse that is to love and be loved 
you made us whole, well worth the wait

a lifetime of worry hanging over our heads
I waited for you
you made us whole well worth the wait
to savour your first breath.
fie

jelly 3

Slip and Slide 

30 years ago, I bought them both jellies, two each to be fair, red and green, chilled and conical.  Same taste, but they always preferred the red, a ruby that held the light before it slid down their throat, slippery sweet. 

They stood poised over the bin, him with a foot on the pedal, his whole body curved towards the jelly, she falling back, her eyes wide in her chubby moon face. He went for the ruby first, peeling off the top, and tilting his neck back, all at once, a dance with light.  I could almost hear it slide down his gullet.  

She started with the emerald green first, keeping the best for last. Her five year old fingers fumbled, and her ruby slid straight into the bin.  

They were always like that, he rushing for the best first, she toddling behind, so careful. He now pours his love on us first too, uncaring if there will be any left for later while she waits, guarding jealously her hoard of loving words, sometimes letting them go to waste. 

Sunday, August 7, 2022

fall into me

how do we rest in unguarded moments, 

the way water rests when it meets the shore, in undulating curves, 
the way a fallen leaf settles in water, creating a pool within its folds for fish
the way a tree trunk bends to find the light and new branches sprout along its length,
the way you lift your arm to let me in the hour before the sun rises? 


Friday, August 5, 2022

Jelly 2

Do you remember? I bought them both jellies, two each to be fair, red and green, conical.  I'm sure they tasted the same, but they always preferred the red - a ruby that let light through and tumbled down the slide to land in the ball pit that was their belly. 

Did you notice how they stood poised over the dustbin, ready to throw the wrapper and slide the jelly in one fluid movement? She went for the red first, peeling off the thin transparent top, and tilting her neck back with practised glee. He fumbled a bit with the green, keeping the best for last. 
You know what happened. When he managed to pry open the second, his ruby slid straight into the dustbin. 

They were always like that, weren't they? She rushing for the best first, he toddling behind, so careful. She now pours her love on us first too, uncaring if there will be any left for later while he waits, guarding jealously his hoard of loving words, sometimes letting them go to waste. 

elephant 3

Elephants 

1.   Just out of my mother's womb and in my hospital crib , I sense Lord Ganesha hovering above me, notepad in hand. He looks down at my sleeping form over his tusk, and crosses out a line or two, adds a new detail here. Is my life going by his plans? May it be so, always so. Now he is holding my children when they are scared (and me too), holding us tight with his trunk.

2.    Elephants have long memories. Can they recall the trumpeting of mammoths and mastodons in the Ice Age, can they recall the sprawling paradise they once roamed and shaped? 

 3.    Elephants live as long as humans, they mourn their dead, and care for their old and ill. On summer afternoons, mothers shift their mass to block the sun, to shade their babies as they nap. You don't mess with this vegetarian giant. They take revenge. 

4.    Baby elephants have no control over their trunks. They flip flap flop to make sense of their world. With their too large ears, they charge at ducks and geese and run back to hide under their mothers when the birds squawk at them. 

5. If you gaze into the eyes of an elephant, you will feel yourself drowning in a vortex, deep and light brown alternating, speckled with star dust, going back thousands of years, pinning us with questions: what have we done with their ancestors? What are we doing to them now?

6.   I may have ridden one when I was seven, along the street outside my aunt's place in India. As a child, when i needed to lull myself to sleep, I'd call up that image. It felt so safe up there, near the crown of his head, swaying side to side on his ambling walk, his hair prickling under me. Nothing could touch me. I rode again on my honeymoon -  Thailand. Then I learnt how elephants were tamed, torn from their mothers as babies, beaten and starved till their spirits were broken. I could never ride an elephant again.

7.    I love the sprawling stone temples in India, with elephants blessing us for bananas, in Mahapalipuram, Azhagar Kovil. Now I wonder how they were trained. The abject irony if temples tamed wild elephants with sticks and stones. Can we tie up Ganesha to seek his blessings? I hope not. I am scared to find out.

8.    Elephants converse with earth and wind in a language beyond us. Born cartographers, they feel the earth's rumbles through their wrinkled skin. The earth dances in seismic vibrations when one greets the other across the plains. They trace the paths of ancient rivers to lead their herds to water. As we in turn shape the land with our crude tools, we have become crosstalk in their dialogue with earth. How do they now maneuver the land, their history, their future? The dinosaur has become a bird.  What will the elephant become?

9.    They have have fought wars for us, ridden in royal games, crushed enemies skulls, and they have danced atop colourful balls in circus rings. 

10. Elephants uproot trees with their trunks, and pick up flowers by their stems. They wash their fruit before eating, and roll in mud to cool off. They spray each other with abandon and face off in thundering battles.

11. It is said earth teeters upon the their backs, as they balance on a tortoise. Earth quakes when they shrug their shoulders. We should take note, if we push them too hard, they will slip and we will fall. 

12. Ganesha the elephant god, the remover of all obstacles, the one whom the goddess shaped from sandalwood and breathed life into, to protect and guard her, to call her own, who broke off a tusk to keep writing, ever be my muse, to keep writing. 




Thursday, August 4, 2022

elephant prose 2

Elephants 

1.    Lord Ganesha is over my crib writing my path for me, notepad in hand. He looks down at my sleeping form over his tusk, and crosses out a line or two, adding a new detail here. Is my life headed as planned? May it be so, always so. Now he is holding my children when they are scared (and me too), holding us tight with his trunk.

2.    Elephants have long memories. How far back do they go? Can they remember the trumpeting of mammoths and mastodons in the ice age, can they remember the earth as a sprawling paradise that they once roamed and shaped? 

 3.    They live as long as human beings, they mourn their they care for their sick and aged,  they look out for youngsters. You don't mess with this vegetarian giant. They take revenge. 

4.    Baby elephants have no control over their trunks, like a baby boy's penis.  They flop here and there. With their too large ears, they mock charge ducks and geese and run back to hide under their mothers when the birds squawk at them. They have eyes that can see into our souls. They ask what have we done with their ancestors? What are we doing to them now?

 5.   I may have ridden one when I was seven, along the street outside my aunt's place in India. i'm not sure if it happened, but as a child, when i needed to lull myself to sleep, I'd call up that image. I felt so safe up there near the crown of his head, swaying side to side on his ambling walk, his hair prickling under me. Nothing could touch me. I rode again on my honeymoon -  Thailand. Then I learnt how elephants were trained - tamed, torn from their mothers as babies, beaten and starved till their spirits were broken. I could never ride an elephant again.

 6.    I love the sprawling stone temples in India, with elephants blessing us for bananas, in Mahapalipuram, Azhagar Kovil. Now I wonder how they were trained. The abject irony if temples tamed wild elephants with sticks and stones. Can we tie up Ganesha to seek his blessings? I hope not. I am scared to find out.

 7.    Elephants converse with earth and wind in a language beyond us. Born cartographers, they feel the earth's rumbles through their wrinkled skins.The earth dances in seismic vibrations when one greets the other across the miles. They trace the paths of ancient rivers to lead their herds to water. As we in turn shape the land with our crude tools, we have become crosstalk in their dialogue with earth. How do they maneuver the land? Their history? Their future? The dinosaur has become a bird.  What will the elephant become?

8.    They have have fought wars for us, ridden in royal games, crushed enemies skulls.

9. They uproot trees with their trunks, and pick up flowers by their stems. They wash their fruit before eating and roll in mud to cool off. They spray each other with abandon and face off in thundering battles.

10. They say earth teeters upon the their backs, as they balance on a tortoise. Earth quakes when they shrug their shoulders. if we push them too hard, they will slip and we will fall. 

11. Born from the churning of the milk ocean, Airvata is your name. Born to guard your mother, Ganesha is your name. Born to protect me, Love is your name. 



Elephant prose poem

 

Elephants

 

1.    Lord Ganesha is over my crib writing my path for me, notepad in hand. He looks down at my sleeping form over his tusk, and crosses out a line or two, adding a new detail here. Is my life headed as planned? May it be so, always so. Now he is holding my children when they are scared (and me too), holding us tight with his trunk.

 

2.    Elephants have long memories. How far back do they go? Can they remember the trumpeting of mammoths and mastodons in the ice age, can they remember the earth as a sprawling paradise that they once roamed and shaped? 

 

3.    They live as long as human beings, they remember their dead and mourn them, they care for their sick and aged,  they work together as a family, looking out for youngsters. You don't mess with this vegetarian giant. They take revenge. 

 

4.    Baby elephants have no control over their trunks, like a baby boy's penis.  They flop here and there. With their too large ears, they mock charge ducks and geese and run back to hide under their mothers when the birds cluck at them. They have eyes that can see into our souls. They ask what have we done with their ancestors. What are we doing to them now.

 

5.    Elephant rides. I may have ridden one when I was seven, around the houses in India, - my aunt's place. i'm not sure if it happened, but as a child, when i needed to lull myself to sleep, I'd call up that image. I felt so safe up there near the crown of his head, swaying side to side on his ambling walk, his hair prickling under me. Nothing could touch me. I rode again on my honeymoon. Thailand. After that I learnt how elephants are trained, tamed, torn from their mothers as babies and beaten and starved till their spirits are broken. I could never ride an elephant again.

 

6.    I love the sprawling stone temples in India, with elephants blessing us for bananas, in Mahapalipuram, Azhagar Kovil. Now I wonder how they were trained. The abject irony if temples tamed wild elephants with sticks and stones. Can we tie up Ganesha to seek his blessings? I hope not. I am scared to find out.

 

7.    Elephants converse with earth and wind in a language beyond us. Born cartographers, they feel the earth's rumbles through their wrinkled skins, and trace the paths of ancient rivers to lead their herds to water and safety. As we in turn shape the land with our crude tools, we have become crosstalk in their dialogue with earth. How do they maneuver the land? Their history? Their future? The dinosaur has become a bird.  What will the elephant become?

8.    They have have fought wars for us, ridden in royal games, crushed enemies skulls.

9. They uproot trees with their trunks, and up flowers by their stems. They wash their fruit before eating and roll in mud to cool off. They spray each other with abandon and face off in thundering battles.

 10. Earth teeters upon their backs, as they balance on a tortoise. Earth quakes when they shift their shoulders. We should beware, not push them too hard, for if they slip, we will fall. 

 

Wednesday, August 3, 2022

elephants

Elephants

1. Lord Ganesha is over my crib writing my path for me, notepad in hand. He looks down at my sleeping form over his tusk, and crosses out a line or two, adding a new detail here. Is my life headed as planned? May it be so, always so. Now he is holding my children when they are scared (and me too), holding us tight with his trunk.

2. Elephants have long memories.How far back do they go? Can they remember the trumpeting of mammoths and mastodons in the ice age, can they remember the earth as a sprawling paradise that they once roamed and shaped? 

3. They live as long as human beings,  they remember their dead and mourn them, they care for their sick and aged,  they work together as a family, looking out for youngsters. You don't mess with this vegetarian giant. They take revenge. 

4. Baby elephants have no control over their trunks, like a baby boy's penis.  They flop here and there. With their too large ears, they mock charge ducks and geese and run back to hide under their mothers when the birds cluck at them. They have eyes that can see into our souls. They ask what have we done with their ancestors. What are we doing to them now.

5. Elephant rides. I may have ridden one as a child around the houses in India, - my aunt's place. i'm not sure if it happened, but when i needed to lull myself to sleep, I'd call up that image. I felt so safe up there near the crown of his head, swaying side to side on his ambling walk, his hair prickling under me. Nothing could touch me. 

I rode again on my honeymoon. Thailand. After that I learnt how elephants are trained, tamed, torn from their mothers as babies and beaten and starved till their spirits are broken. 

I could never ride an elephant again.

6. I love the sprawling stone temples in India, with elephants blessing us for bananas, in Mahapalipuram, Azhagar Kovil. Now I wonder how they were trained too. The abject irony if temples tamed wild elephants with sticks and stones. Can we tie up Ganesha to seek his blessings? I hope not. I am scared to find out.

7. Elephants converse with earth and wind in a language beyond us. Born cartographers, they feel the earth's rumbles through their wrinkled skins, and trace the paths of ancient rivers to lead their herds to water and safety. As we in turn shape the land with our crude tools, we have become crosstalk in their dialogue with earth. How do they manoever the land? their history? their future? 

8. Elephants can uproot a tree with their trunk, and also pick a flower off a bush. Such might and gentleness in one being... we are blessed to walk the earth with them.. for how long, for how long.. more?.

9. The dinosaur has become a bird.  what will you become? you babe fought wars for us, been in Royal games, crushed enemies skulls. you have lifted logs and taken pathetic underlings for rides. 

10. elephant legend. holding up earth. 
11. in my dreams elephant holds me up atill


Monday, August 1, 2022

monday

I'm always exhausted on Mondays 
After that 1st day back at office after 4 days at home

today many things are on my mind
son is sniffling 
daughter is coughing 
I'm in between
my throat not feeling so good
my bum in some pain


I worry about the future
I wish in wouldn't 
what is important? I should worry about that.
health. 
so what of aishu has grading tomorrow
ashwin has pesa on Friday 
his party next Monday 
I'm tired god
I'm tired. 

I worry about not being home tomorrow to look after 2 sick kids.
I worry about missing work 

no way to be happy or at peace 

okay found a compromise.  work from home am. go to work pm. wish I had my other laptop with me. but thats ok