we never walk alone

Now with Netflix, Disney Plus, Amazon Prime, Masterclass, Facebook, 

and the rest of the Metaverse

at our finger tips, 

we never need to be alone with our thoughts

now we rather wait alone

at clinics, i-phone stores, the line at NTUC,

so we can disappear into our own personalised vortex of mindlessness

rather than be stuck with a loved one

and be forced to make small talk 

and be bored

for a person can never quite compete 

not

with the infinite variety of the phone

I'm never alone

not with the phone 

I'd rather be alone 

with the phone.

writing

I have not written a poem in ages 

dignity for a 10 year old

today I marveled at how my father gave my son dignity.  ashwin has been on a crazy cycling spree. wants to cycle all over the island if he can. so he started off towards my parents place

 at least 1.5 hour away. my dad had wanted to cycle here and the back home with him. coz you know10 year old, small kid. Long distance. not so safe. 

but little excited fellow had left by then. so he left home to meet him halfway. saw him near safra. and made out like he had bumped onto him! no infantilising a budding independent 10 year old yet looking out for him

sorrows

My dad started crying today. 

thinking of kanna

his father 

I hurt for him so qhen this happens

some days are good, he is above it all

other days, he us crushed by the sorrow of it. longing for my brother to come back to him

its heartbreaking 

to see a father yearn for his sons love and the son to he quite oblivious to it

but there are 2 sides to every story 

who knows what demons my brother is fighting 

I pray to God, before my parents time is here, my brother and parents reconcile properly. 

.the thing is, my brother may not even see a problem with the current arrangement. it suits him just fine. to talk to them once every 3 months see them maybe once or twice a year. not having deepa see her grandparents in years

 these give him peace! seeing them troubles his mind, dredges up old unwanted memories fears insecurities he feels threatened ill done by and so on. 

these are old battle scars. 

the constant infantilisation I think 

 helped him but made him feel less a man perhaps. 

but they never did anything that wasn't out of love.i pray he sees it. 

before too late

 

and makes his peace. 

and i pray my parents find peace too. 

amazing things

today my dad and I saw three amazing things at Coney Island

1. otters. popping up like those games where you hammer the beaver! and one was eating fish in the water 

2. 

schools of time green fish that flew! they skimmed the surface of the water like green dragon flies. quite magical. 

3. a jelly fish I think. moving more purposefully than a plastic bag would. quite big 

love lace diaries

love lace has been with us 2 months today. 

he is a source of joy. 

we love him. 

he took a bath on Thursday night. I saw him grasp his feathers and squeeze the water out of them! 

I notice he likes to drink or bathe when the water is freshly changed. 

he has reduced sitting on our shoulders and biting bra straps thank god. 

the kids have trained him to turn up on their heads. 

ashwin lately has become a lot more brave and friendly so now both kids go in to spend time with him. 

I like to feed him they like to play with him. they create all kinds of games and toys for him to challenge him.

we all love him. 

kaavya was over last weekend and she bravely had him on her head and fed him apples. that's her fav thing to do. she gets so tickled everytime he takes a bite from an apple she is feeding. and she is very dismayed by the mess he makes, flinging apple bits here a d there! 

yesterday he attended a zoom meeting with me and Minister Grace Fu! 

I'm watching my octopus teacher now and he talks about the amazing feing when a wild animal trusts us. I felt the same way. the amazing feeling to have a wild bird/ or tame but new to us bird trust us and play with us. really amazing 

quiet time

today my dad reminded me of two important things 

1. the need to be alone sometimes with my thoughts. 

2. to recognise that we are always in contact with something larger than us, that our bodies are but the here and now

these help me have perspective I guess. 

I need to do more of the former. and the latter comes in useful when  we think we are in trouble, perhaps. 

just some thoughts this Saturday 

lovelace

a baby bird.. well a teenage bird, us now in our care.

a bird flew into my house and now I cannot be elsewhere 

I am physically at a meeting but my mind is on the bird. its cute pink.cheeks. 

I have invited a life long worry into my life! but also a source of great joy. and learning.  and empathy. 

I pray my mistakes don't hurt it. wake up thinking of it. 

I need to create a routine for it

1. 10 min direct morning sun a day, in its cage . Guess Balcony will have to do. 

2. variety of nuts and vegetables a day. so I should have a diff fruit and veg and nuts mix for it everyday. 

kangkong, brocoli, beans, carrot, chillie

apple, orange, grapes, lychee, blackberries blueberries papaya watermelon, honeydew

walnut, peanut, cashew, sunflower seeds, millet, 

3. bedtime by 8.30pm