parenting is tough

parenting is tough. 

how does one react 

when blood courses thru your veins 

at the termity of a 10 year old who defies you

who continues walking away when you call him,

you see from his body language he hopes you think he hasn't heard you, until, finally unable to ignore the siren call,

he turns and shuffles towards you

what do you do when blood pounds in your head, as he tells you he pretended not to hear coz he was afraid you'd force him to walk with you , 

and worse that the rudeness is the fear that clouds you of a boy growing up to a young man who runs away from problems- 

so much depends upon how you correct him now you think 

and you take take advantage of the plane flying overhead, to yell your heart out at him, about how this is not okay, and for effect, you twist his hands roughly to say did you think I'd drag you for a walk like that, 

your mind calculating at this point - are you turning into a bully , you see the fear in his eyes and rather than tone down, you are tempted to yell harder, drunk with power,  for you know he hates public scenes. 

A thousand ideas float in your head, but the plane flies away and you stop with a last stern admonishment and go for your walk alone,

much faster than you would normally 

and as you do you worry about mental health and if you had harmed him for life and would he do the right things now out of fear and not understanding 

and as you walk further down the river 

you feel  he won, he got you mad enough to give in to emotions and what should you do, what should you do? 

After all he is 10 and you are 40. 

only one adult on this mix and it has to be you. 

parenting can suck. 

but you cool down over the walk and he has had fun playing soccer and both of you are pally again

and over dinner you talk about assumed constraints. an academic angle for an emotional problem..

all is well. 

when words are not enough

 when words are not enough 

for grief

there are never words enough 

from nov last year till now 

some passings have really caught me 

SPBala 

my grandmother 

this student at RV and the guy who murdered him(!) how is that possible 

world has tilted

 the world has tilted and things will never be the same 

but you are stronger than you know 

our thoughts and love are with every one of you now 

brave RVian teachers and students and alumni and fellow educators

classroom as a safe space

 who would have thought 

these words could carry such weight 

we never meant them as physically safe spaces

but as psychologically safe spaces

to grow the mind, speak what's in your heart, bravely, without fear of censure, a space to figure things out together with others who will help without judgment 

today I write, classroom as a safe space 

and my mind drifts to how the classroom, the school, was not a safe space for one child

will not feel safe for a lot of other children and teachers 

for the unthinkable happened 

and we cannot un think it again

RV

 I am so disturbed by something that happened today that I feel a little guilty for having fun, for being able to dance to live life normally

for a sec 1 child got killed in a school here today, in sginapore. 

a secondary one child. 

and a sec  4  kid has been arrested. 

Knife wounds, axe? we know very little now. 

but we are shaken. all of SG is shaken. but as an educator, I am even more so together with other teachers in Singapore today. 

wild flower

all around me bad news 

covid cases out of control 

Germany flooding 

a school killing in Singapore 

I look down and see

the tiny purple flower of a weed 

bravely standing up right by my feet 

happiness

I am so happy. so far 11 of my poems have been accepted for publication  . am so thrilled. 

6 by the shot glass journal over 2 issues 

2 by the tiger moth review 

2 by The Poet 

1 by Mother's Always Write. 

all online. 

let's hope I gather enough courage to put together an anthology by year end. including these 11. and then some. 

would be something to have my work in print... praying to God

woodpecker

I heard a trill 

and looked around

then I saw it

like it had conquered Mount Everst

the woodpecker stood 

on the top most bare branch 

of a tree by the river,

trilling its song for the world to hear 

I'm here I made it won't you join me? 

I wish I could 

so here I am

in my own song about you...

trilllllll! 

we prep

let's talk about you

you are the students who have chosen to explore the worlds behind words 

mysterious spaces between lines 

the wisdom on the ages passed through the art of story telling. 

scary times

these are scary times we live in, indeed. 

like we are vaccinating our kids and bearing new advisories on a weekly basis. freaky . scary. 

we are all part of a massive world wide experiment aren't we. for future generations to know what might work and what might not.

everything that lives

Everything that lives must die. 

Is there any law more irrefutable?.

Every leaf that sprouts green turns brown and withers 

Every worm that turns into a beetle turns on its back at the end. 

And yet,

and yet

in quiet moments 

we don't want to think of this truth 

for those we hold dear. 

Applied without exception,

differences lie only in the manner of passing.

So what do we hope for? 

No pain for the beloved,

yet time for us to say farewell - 

is that possible? 

Thus that old adage - 

live every moment as if it were your last.  

Let's hold every person in our lives with a gaze that burns love and hope into our beings. 

Let laughter, silliness and fun be our default mode. 

For when the end comes,

it may be sudden. 

Only He holds our books 

and knows when to turn the last page, and how. 

driving

reckless 

sometimes I drive like a demon

waving in and out of lanes 

always 5 minutes late 

trying to make up fortime 

scenes flash through my mind

as I skate the roads 

how much I love my kids 

how awful I'd feel if anything were to happen 

how my marriage may break up 

how my colleagues may see me 

it's messed up in my head 

when I speed