27 to 28 July

i just want to note this weekend the things I had the opportunity to do

and feel special blessed to have been able to do

Sat. gave an education talk together with two other educators.We made a good team of three confident articulate ladies with deep knowledge in our respective areas. I made mine interactive a little bit, in line with my belief that we just cannot talk at people. and gave them buzz time. also worked happy to say. to be honest content wise mine was a bit thin but I made connections to relevant points by other speakers and I shared about anxiety management 

it was well received. quite a number came to say they enjoyed the talk the perspectives the interactivity.  it felt genuine. thank you God for this opportunity.  

today morning I read my poem about aaya at poetry festival Singapore. I got a little emotional. and lots came up to share they liked it. I was happy. especially coz I felt I was honouring aaya's memory with my mother and akshaya  present as well as my dad and ashwin and aishu. I added a note to dedicate the reading to them

now a bit deflated haha after all the excitement of the two days. 

three days..  this morning celebrated my mum's natchathira birthday at the temple and connected with rajee and kanna. feel happy to have done that. u

worry

when the worm of worry starts burrowing in your head

the first to go is sleep

the next the mind

as it whirrs and churns 

the heart palpitates

it becomes hard to breathe

tears roll down cheeks

you lie rigid staring into space 

as your worst fears all unfurl

before your eyes, unstoppable

you make bargains with God

realise how futile it is all

you visualise hurling rocks at idols

then realise you have no where to go but to Him

so you stop

and toss and turn 

on the cold hard ground 

talking to Him to yourself 

You sit up and hug your knees 

then lie down with Attenborough under torchlight 

then lie next to the children 

and feel the relief of their arms heavy around your neck

who think they need you

not knowing how much you need them

a wish for love lace

wherever you are, I wish you joy in song and flight

I wish you joy in song and flight, always

bullied bullies

Israel, their people Jews, have suffered one of the worst catastrophes, crimes against humanity, as a people. 

They are also now inflicting one of the worst crimes against humanity in the world against the Palestinian people. 

Never have I seen more clearly that the bullied become the worst aggressors. I

had thought it could happen on the level of individuals but now I see it can be at the level of the collective too

When they wake from this nightmare where they see themselves as the avengers, what will they see on their hands? Blood that can never be washed away, crushed dreams of children like shards of glass underfoot

Emboldened by the support of Western powers ashamed they let them be beaten 70 years ago, they supply the weapons for them to crush another. 

Who knew in 70 years, a single lifetime, the victims can become such fearsome aggressors? Perhaps they wear their aggression as a badge of pride. Never again ( to them) not even close, and their enemies will be bludgeoned even when cornered, every last woman and child, for humanity, the milk of human kindness Shakespeare talked about, has no place in this bloody face-off. 

What will happen next? Will Palestine ever be a homeland? Eelam dreams died, freedom fighters branded terrorists. 2hat of Palestine. And won't their blood boil to seek revenge, and who will suffer then? w

What are we doing to ourselves on this precious miracle called earth, where everything goes back to everything, ashes to ashes, dust to dust? 

time is the most elastic of elements

Time is the most elastic of elements

In india in the village it just sat and stretched into hours of waiting, for it to pass, for heat to subside, for the current to return. Our heart beats slowed, we too sat like lizards on a stone, waiting.

In Singapore it runs runs breathless into the next hour, day, month, dragging us behind it like unwilling children wailing we need 5 more min to play. Here we must carve out time for the self, for children, otherwise we'd be swept away, and when the carved time is over we need to snap back like rubber bands to hold everything in place. 

Only Friday night feels light..  Without the pressure of having to wake up at 5am and run the race again first thing in the morning, the heart beat slows a few seconds. The improbable hope of a tomorrow to take up the slack of today, this week, this month, allows our smiles to linger for more than their allocated slot, and we fall asleep, grateful for the respite we imagine awaiting us over the weekend. 

v4

The Idly Speaks to the 8-year-old in Ang Mo Kio

 

Why do you cry when you see me

at your Appatha’s home?  

 

I sit here, an empty canvas

ready to soak in 

the sunshine of sambar,

the blaze of chutney,

the blush of fish gravy.

 

Yet, you blanch whiter than me

when you spy me sitting

on the banana leaf.

 

To you, 

I am boring.

Too round, too soft, just bland. 

 

 “Idly again!” you moan.

 

But, you cannot just 

dip my edges gingerly, 

so I stay pale-bordered, pristine 

 

You need to dab me boldly,

let the colours seep in,

Only then will you see

 

I am NEVER ‘idly again’

You just need to know

how to paint with me.