monster

If I were a monster...

I would be the repentant kind

the one who feels bad for a week

after screaming my head off 

at my kid for not getting quadratic equations 

I would be the hypocritical kind

the one who cares about saving earth but leaves all the lights and  fans on in every room all day long 

I would be the protective kind

the one who'd stop nurses and doctors and teachers, 

from bullying my sick kid who doesn't look sick but is

I would be the overreacting kind 

the one who'd slap the son if the sister cried 

sure he must have done something 

to her 

and then become the repentant kind 

see stanza  1

Everyday I am monster trying to unmake myself 

cl8ff

In my place of peace, 

waves rush and recede

revolve in mesmerising patterns 

White against green 

against blue 

against black 

against white 

We too are overlay 

in our spaces 

Here where cliffs and boulders stand 

while waters churns incessantly

white flowers bloom perfectly

Our earth is ancient 

whispering of power 

we cannot begin to comprehend 

but if we just each do our part 

the one we were created for

Beauty will glow even in turmoil 

All will be well

memorising poetry

article in the Washington Post called “How memorizing poetry can expand your life,” written by Jacob Brogan. Here’s a short excerpt: 

…memorized poetry resides in the body, as well. As the French philosopher Jacques Derrida notes in his short essay “What Is Poetry?” (the title of which is typically given as “Che cos’è la poesia,” even in translation), versions of the phrase “learn by heart” crop up in numerous languages to describe poetic memorization: English, of course, but also, he writes, French and Arabic, among others. For Derrida, this is no accident. He argues that lyric poetry, by nature, asks to be learned by heart, but also, “I call a poem that very thing that teaches the heart, invents the heart, that which, finally, the word heart seems to mean.” Glossing these lines, the scholar Jonathan Culler writes in his book “Theory of the Lyric” that poetry’s “efficacy depends upon its success in making its words memorable, having them remembered.” In other words, poetry perpetuates itself by becoming a part of those who read it. It can do so only because it is so specific, so entirely different from us, that taking it in expands our own sense of what we are. As you repeat a line or a stanza again and again, signification temporarily gives way to the felt texture of language: its rhythms, pressures, temperatures. These are gestures that say nothing but speak to every part of you.

3 poems

1. music inspired 

3. fridge thing 

2. bug 

prep to read 

1. war poem or fun poem about turkeys i met 

aging cryptidy⁷and yfhub

option 

minotaur mellowing 

what do I with all this rage 

tired of it

they expect me to chase and hunt and kill

when all I want is a quiet life 

to be bullish in a China shop.

So I was born with horns and teeth 

I couldn't help it

I might have scratched the servant 

who brought me mashed banana

when I wanted minted sgd o7meat

I accidentally gored the next one too

and the next 

That's when they created a palace for me 

underground, a right maze I tell you 

I could roam and roam

but I needed a friend, 

anyone who wouldn't scream when they saw me 

I started bellowing

(what - I can't help my dolby digital voice box) 

and they started sending in playmates to me in.

7 boys and 7 girls each year

terrified quaking little things 

We played catch. 

5

and a bellow to shake the earth

so they created an underground maze 

just for me 

and I was just crying for company

⅚

today

today I drove too fast

was mean to my kids

scared them, made them cry

not proud of myself

but also want to cut myself some slack

not to excuse but to understand 

that I was in mourning 

for the passing of a dream

of my son singing 

he sings so well

he has a natural gift 

but he's been pushing away singing lessons for a year now off and on

and I know I can't make my children Iive my dreams for them

but I can be sad very sad about the dream fading 

death of a dream

let me mourn the death of a dream

the dram I had for my son 

that I had no right to have

he has a gift that he has no wish to nurture 

and I have to just hope the seeding is enough 

for him to come back to at some point t

nd not let this become a clash of ego

but I'm lost too

what does it mean to parent 

to only get him what he wants 

never deny his wishes 

never make him go thru with kther things he04 doesn't t

instructions

instructions on how to build up dreams for your child 

and then set them aside 

1. introduce child to a range of classes: gymnastics piano singing art

2. see which sparks his interest which he seems to shine in 

3. drive him around tirelessly from class to class. enlist help of grandparents where necessary 

4. love him. encourage him. give him courage when he fears the coach. when p0p00000

poem in a restaurant

mother and son wait for their burritos 

in a fast food joint that feels 

like a restaurant to the teen

They've been shopping for him 

baggy pants

baggy tees

that the skinny 13 year old 

disappears into and 

floats around in

but he is happy

he's been asking his mum to take him shopping for weeks now

but she's been busy 

work 

sister with anxiety issues 

just life, outside of him

but today 

she suggested they go shopping herself 

After her yoga class

which always puts her in a good mood

and they shopped for 2 hours 

just for him

choosing black and white printed tees

he could float around in

now

now Mexican food

is the icing on the cake 

a whole evening just on him 

the waiter brings their nachos and burritos 

they have 10 min to eat before closing time 

but

this has been a good day 

 

firsts

We never forget our first deaths

The first cousin I lost, at 13. 

I even had a minor crush on him 

so it was the loss of first puppy love too

brutally brutally taken away

in a freak accident 

I started wondering about death after that. 

Would I die when I cross a road? 

I freaked friends out

asking if they'd miss me if I died

My first grandfather I lost at 25. 

I lost a grandmother earlier but... 

I hadn't known her you know. 

I grew up with my grandfather. 

He was a friend, a source of support.

I learnt how to love a father 

watching my dad with him. 

His reassuring smile our solace

everytime we ran into trouble,

I still miss him

And now my first friend

45 is not an age to lose a friend

I can only recall 

our last text messages last lunches

I never dreamt they would be the last anything 

now her smile her cheekiness 

her love of her children,

her heart for others

...

they aren't gone,

but 

they can only live in memory 

as we all learn, 

grow around the gap,

she's left

Farewell my dear roommate

Nasrath Hassan Begum 

Thank you for all the jokes, laughter, love

The sky is a dimmer tonight. 

I'll miss you. 

my roommate. 

cancer. 

moon in morning skyq

I look up and my breath catches.

A pale disc among the clouds

in a light blue sky

tells me

beauty, mystery 

have always been there

had I eyes to see it

The tides rise 

to its hypnotic pull all day

Reminding me that

Orion's Belt, Cassiopeia, 

the North Star, my guiding lights

have actually always been there too 

waiting for darkness to show themselves, 

like my parents 

always ready to support me 

at the slightest twitch of need 

fading back to the background 

otherwise 0

  

even when the sun beams

for the sea doesn't need to see it

to believe in its light

and 

day 10

this is a poem about babies

so round the head

so perfect in miniature 

so wonderous His creations 

this is a poem about burgers

so round the bun

so layered and complex 

so varied so delicious 

this is a poem about the moon

perfect sphere floating in space

bearing witness to evolution 

hiding part of itself each day

this is a poem about cakes donuts pizza idly chapati taco apple crumble pie

your cheeks shining in the light 

like apples in the fridge on the tree

your eyes in wonder at the bubble floating in air 

the ring around my finger enclosing us as one

super power

I believe there is a book for everyone

one that will capture their attention 

so they fall head first into it and only ever come up for air when they have to

 a book to lose one's way and find the self 

There is a book out there

for the tired teen hypnotised 

by the blue light of the handphone

for the overworked colleague 

glaring at the laptop

for harassed homemaker 

juggling the cooking the cleaning the loving 

A book just for you, 

to fall headalong into,

to only ever come up for air 

because you have to

Now I have the power 

to look into the eyes 

of every soul I pass,

pull out the perfect book 

just for you

For you, young man,  

Mal Peet's Keeper,

a book about magic,

of the forest and soccer 

For you, young lady searching 

for a hero who looks like you, 

who can be you, 

I am Malala, truly a hero for everyone

For you who is drawn to the sea, 

try Amitav Ghosh's Hungry Tide

be lulled by the waves, guided by dolphins

lose yourself in myth and history 

And you my friend, 

you need Wendy Cope's Serious Concerns, 

for a bit of a laugh and lots of thought

between meetings 

For you my soul searching 

globe trotter friend, I give you 

Boey Kim Cheng's Between Stations

take the train and be forever moved 

and for you,

and you, 

yes, even you

definitely you,

I have the power,

so come along,

lose your way by my side 

and find yourself in a book

growth

how does a name grow in the head

 

said over and over at age 20

when the first crush took hold

became longing 

then joy 

and over and over over the years

though it got over in 2 years 

and over and over through marriage to another, 

children and kindergarten graduation, high school proms

silver anniversaries 

the name still echoing in the head

devoid now of original meaning,  no longer of a young man with brown eyes and soft hair who broke the heart, 

now just a name a manthra

a name i sigh  when tired overwhelmed 

a name I breathe into the air before turning to bed 

a name just a name now 

Intermitten fasting diary

8th October. 

15: 7

ate last 7pm on 7th, and then again 1030am on 8th

note. fruits juices and drinks don't quite count for me ha

9th October 

the world according to a tear drop

The world according to a tear drop

Salted by minerals in his body

I drip out out of the corner an eye

I catch the light and shimmer,

a single diamond on his cheek.

In the second that I sit in his dimple, 

I glance at the world I've entered

luminous and curved,

flashes of dim reds, blues

but all too fast I roll down ,

hotly followed by a stream of my brothers and sisters.

They push me onto something soft

where we lie, 

warmed and then cooled by more of our kind

From here I see at close quarters, 

his eyes shining, 

lips quivering, 

whole body heaving 

with feelings 

too big for his five year old self

a long triangle of light 

suddenly cuts into our space, 

broken.by a shadow crossing rapidly

we watch his round features 

rise away from us

melt into her shoulder 

We sense the tension leaving his limp body

as we too melt into the air

the world according to a tear drop

The world according to a tear drop

Salted by minerals in his body

I drip out out of the corner an eye

I catch the light and shimmer,

a single diamond on his cheek.

In the second that I sit in his dimple, 

I glance at the world I've entered

luminous and curved,

flashes of dim reds, blues

but all too fast I roll down ,

hotly followed by a stream of my brothers and sisters.

They push me onto something soft

where we lie, 

warmed and then cooled by more of our kind

From here I see at close quarters, 

his eyes shining, 

lips quivering, 

whole body heaving 

with feelings 

too big for his five year old self

a long triangle of light 

suddenly cuts into our space, 

broken.by a shadow crossing rapidly

we watch his round features 

rise away from us

melt into her shoulder 

We sense the tension leaving his limp body

as we too melt into the air

I am not ready

I Am not Ready 

The baby is coming in two days, not two weeks

I am not ready

I have to order the cot

I have to pack the hospital bag

I have to fly in my parents to help me

I have to get my toddler sorted

Just three and three weeks ill

Could it be sympathy pains she has for me?

Let me start over

I am ready

Always ready 

Born ready 

I've been preparing all my life, really

For this precious gift who will complete my family 

who will be healthy even if early 

who says I love you

I can't wait to see you

whose first lesson is

Amma you are ready

luke Thompson

Poems have a sense of urgency 

have a sound quality syllabic quality 

must affect the writer herself deeply, terrify me if no how will it resonate with others

Read the works he mentions 

every word should matter in poem. 

love lace 

flew into my life, a green blue ball 

rested in a box nibbled on an apple 

turned my life around 

bought the biggest cage I could find, just for the night

rechristened the room ashwin and lovelace's

saw a bird bath first time in my life

felt you rest on my shoulders my head 

had an official toy maker take her job oh so seriously 

sought branches and twigs and built a bridge from cage to window

watched you do a paper art cutting like a pro, you probably are the best 

so you came you taught us you rested 

when your wings were mended and you had fed your fill of grains and seed and water 

you flew off again spread those wings and sang your heart out like amazingly 

thank you for the gift my dear sweet lovelace 

dat 3 v 2

water lapping at the very edges of earth

I feel I can hear it from here 

on the space station 

floating in the inky ocean that is the sky 

the stars around us in the millions

like the biolumincent fish in the deep,

drawn to the light of the angler fish 

towards their own destruction 

water, space, us in between 

here I see how,

smaller than a speck of stardust are we

yet we strut 

like we own the universe

the Queen ant lording over her subjects in an anthill 

swelling with importance of being Queen

we 

day 3 space

The decommissioning plan for space station is the execution of a responsible, controlled, and targeted deorbit into a remote ocean area. During descent through the Earth's atmosphere, the space station would burn, break up, and vaporize into fragments of various sizes

day 1 v3

In pursuit of a line 

my dad said he read in a book,

‘water water everywhere 

not a drop to drink’,

I too turned to the book,

45 years after him. 

The blue marlin, 

iridescent scales flashing in the light,

mighty sword slashing waves,

dragged an old man out to sea.

Without food 3 full days

it leapt 10 feet high

against a lightning slashed sky

in epic battle

between man and fish.

I turned to the last page,

never to find the line.

(Turns out it belonged to another old man

in another sea, 

who went after an albatross 

and was never after free).

The marlin lost,

but won for fishkind 

for how I could ever eat again 

a soul that so longed to live?

Though I did not quite 

find what I sought,

a far greater gift 

my quest to me brought 

It's been ten years since 

the marlin pulled me in 

to myself,now at peace, 

a vegetarian.

Feedback to improve much welcome, thank you! 

day 1 mythmakingn

Meena is born

dad surrounded by meenas. mother. sister. daughter. the goddess who never blinks in looking after her people 

---

In pursuit of a line 

my dad said he read in a book

water water everywhere 

not a drop to drink 

i too turned to the book 

10 years ago

The blue marlin, all of 10 feet,

pulled the old man out to sea

pulled me in too

iridescent scales flashing in the light

might sword nose slashing waves

raging in the storm

it dragged the man out to sea 3 days and nights 

then leaped out 10 feet to the sky

in epic battle

between man and fish 

the marling lost for itself 0

but won for fish kind 

for how I could ever eat again 

a beast that so longed to live 

I turned to the last page

never to find the line

(turns out it belonged to another old man

in another sea, 

who went after an albatross 

and was never after free) 

I turned the book over 

then turned vegetarian

i

i followed him on the skive? boat

pulled out t