the world looks different

v3 

The world looks different this way up,

as I careen over my cycle in a slow arc,

like my 7 year old grandson

showing off his front flips and somersaults in mid-air.

Only thing, I'm 70.

I'm not sure I should be doing this kind of thing. 

I land with a thud, 

the cycle following after me, 

and landing on me. 

Thus pinioned, I take stock. 

Glasses intact,

no obvious broken limbs.

Ah that's my daughter 

coming back for me. 

That took a while. 

She lifts the cycle off me. 

I sit still. It's kind of comfortable here on the grass - let me get my bearings. 

Thank goodness for my layers of padding - 

I knew those extra helpings would not hurt. 

Right.

I should get up.

I look ruefully at my trusty green bike. 

Special gift from the son. 

Not too battered, but the chain is hanging loose.

I dust myself off, 

and turn the bike on its head. 

I spin the pedals a few times, 

check the  alignment. 

A good hard turn...

Voila, it works! 

Nothing more than grease on my hands.

We continue, 

under the light of the full moon,

rapidly fading in the dawn sky.

Let's try a simpler route today 

shall we? 

Right on!

-----

v2 

The world looks different this way up,

as I careen over my cycle in a slow arc,

like my 7 year old grandson

showing off his front flips and somersaults in mid-air.

Only thing, I'm 70.

I'm not sure I should be doing this kind of thing. 

I land with a thud, 

the cycle following after me, 

and landing on me. 

Thus pinioned, I take stock. 

Glasses intact,

no obvious broken limbs.

Ah that's my daughter 

coming back for me. 

That took a while. 

She lifts the cycle off me. 

I sit still. It's kind of comfortable here on the grass - let me get my bearings. 

Thank goodness for my layers of padding - 

I knew those extra helpings would not hurt. 

Right.

I should get up.

I look ruefully at my trusty green bike. 

Special gift from the son. 

Not too battered, but the chain is off. 

I dust myself off, 

and turn the bike on its head. 

I spin the pedals a few times, 

check the  alignment. 

A good hard turn...

Voila, it works! 

Nothing more than grease on my hands.

We continue, 

under the light of the full moon,

rapidly fading in the dawn sky.

Let's try a simpler route today 

shall we? 

Right on!

------

The world looks different 

this way up,

as I careen over my cycle 

in a slow arc,

like my 7 year old grandson 

showing off his front flips and somersaults in mid-air.

Only thing, I'm 70.

I'm not sure I should be doing this kind of thing. 

I land with a thud, the cycle following after me and landing on me. 

An angel had been guiding its fall though, it carefully encases me, without jabbing at me. 

Let me sit here for a bit and take stock. 

Glasses unbroken, no obvious broken limbs.

Ah that's my daughter coming back for me. That took a while. 

She lifts the cycle off me. 

I sit still. It's kind of comfortable here on the grass - let me get my bearings. 

Thank goodness for my layers of padding - I knew those extra helpings would not hurt. 

Right. 

i should get up.

I look ruefully at my trusty aqua green  bike. Special gift from the son. 

Not too battered, but the chain is off. 

I dust myself off, and turn the bike

on its head. 

I forcefully turn the pedals a few times, checking for alignment.

 

Voila it works! Nothing more than grease on my hands.

We continue, under the light of the full moon, rapidly fading in the dawn sky.

Let's try a simpler route today shall we? 

Right on!

my parenting dilemmas

Let children be children or guide boys to become gentlemen? 

yesterday my son, age 9, at a restaurant got a drink he loved, lemon juice that was perfect, to his taste. 

his younger sister wanted to try itnas she had never done so and he very reluctantly let her have a taste 

as the meal ended and stomachs were full, he had half a glass left. 

his sister said, Anna if you cannot finish it, I can have some

he didn't say anything 

I read between the lines that she wanted some. I was already mad at how ungraciously he let her try a few sips earlier. 

(perhaps he had known then a few sips would lead to more!) 

anyway so I told him, hey let her have some. and he nodded and said wait wait and proceeded to slurp the whole thing up!I think he meant to give her the last bit, but with  straw you know what happens. 

well I got mad. led to a half hour lecture for him. about sharing.  how he was treating her like some dog he gives scraps to..

got him to do a reflection at night about his behaviour.  

we talked about it. he felt it was I who wanted her to have it not really she. I told him about listening to the lines in-between. that she wanted it but was being gracious. 

now I'm thinking, maybe it was my ego my own beliefs. that he should he gracious and kind and share. knowing how she would share her things with him all the time. 

I could have let it go. just a small child loving his drink

and let him enjoy it peacefully without bugging him to share it. 

sigh. on the one hand, I want them to grow up able to give up things they love. they were already doing that yesterday being vegetarian in a meat serving restaurant. I should have appreciated that more. 

on the other I don't want them to always put themselves down. so how? 

argh. Balance is key i guess. 

Singapore and foreign workers

a maid abused and starved to death 

3 workers dead and 5 severely burned in an explosion 

these seem to.suggest

we don't care enough 

about the most vulnerable in our society 

the lowest in the economic and social pecking order 

we are not as kind a society as wr could be

Buangkok

I come here to meet friends 

the collared and white throated kingfishers perched on fences 

flashing their blues in lightning strikes 

the striated herons the colour of rocks,  creeping along the rocks 

the otters frolicking in the river 

adults and babies and toddlers 

in graceful dives 

noisily chomping on fish at times

the terrapins who poke their noses out tentatively to check the coast is clear

the green parrots who fly in flocks high above, boldly calling out to one another as they fly

this is a place of peace 

for me

where my friends make me happy 

just by being here

My God

My God

the one I hold close,

is the God who parted the ocean 

for Krishna and Moses 

the one who hid the sun for Arjunan

the one who makes things possible 

even when it seems impossible 

the god of miracles and love 

who tells me to stay when I would go

and go when I would stay 

whose voice I look out for

amd hope to ever be able to hear 

everytime

every morning

when my car turns the corner 

into Grange road

this lamppost greets me 

with 6 to 7 birds sitting on top,

at perfect distance, 1 wing span away from the other

keeping watch over the junction,

and I know 

today 

all is well. 

-----

Every morning

when my car turns the corner 

into Grange road,

this lamp post greets me 

with 6 to 7 birds atop,

keeping perfect distance, 

1 wing span away from the other,

watching over the junction. 

They tell me

all is well

today  

change

how much can change so quickly 

last weekend we were celebrating with a sleepover and games night 

this weekend wd had my grandmother's savundi 

last Sunday she was alive 

on Monday she stopped talking 

by Thursday early morning she had passed on

by Thursday night she had been cremated 

by Sunday today pooja done

a week ago we were playing games 

today we.are in mourning 

aishu

my moonbeam 

my sun beam 

my rainbow light 

we cannot hold you 

nor touch you 

only bathe in your light 

you are all that is lovely 

fleeting and precious 

in whom we delight

beautiful and bright 

Aaya

my grandmother is like this tree. 

spreading her branches out and always upwards 

nurturing growth all around her

sustenance 

spring 

today I feel the poems

stop all the clocks by auden 

and because I could not stop for death by Emily dickenson 

life doesn't stop does it. 

I wish to be drenched in rain now

drenched in rain that is my grandmothers love

she was not a sensible grandmother 

haha no! 

she was a fun loving life living grandmother 

who relishes ice-cream and pepper chicken and chillie crab and tandoori prawns 

she would spend above her means

borrow to buy gifts 

order podi for me and thattai for ashwin and karivadagam for saro and So on and so on. 

love

the only word for her is love 

she loves her family her families families. 

her blood runs in me

I'm so happy to say 

like an unbroken thread 

from mother to daughter to grand daughter to great grand daughter 

I believe her mother was the eldest child too. so that's five generations of first daughters. 

the lines on her face a map of her journey 

a young child a young bride a young mother 

a fiercely independent lady who took care of her 9 children

saw them married and cared for their grandkids after that 

part of me wishes time would stop 

give me time to grieve to remember 

but I have workshops to run, meetings to attend 

classes to take my kids too

this is the life my aaya said was a life of busyness

I'm Waiting and worrying

I shall trust instead 

Trust in his goodness 

I see my gramdmothers face in my mother's and my mother's in my daughters

what about me? 

it's okay that the tears don't flow don't rush 

I'm gonna quit worrying 

for awhile.

enjoy this breeze

the sound of water 

the quiet within 

slow down 

take deep breaths

I cannot control everything 

Aaya

18 Feb 2021

My Aaya has passed on

I think it has not sunk in

she is a life force for the family 

knows everyone cares for everyone 

embraces all of us even her grandchildren 's spouses families! 

such heart she has. 

prayers for everyone. 

I love her

what pains me

I had the chance to make her happy and I didn't do it as often as I could 

I could have called her more often 

got the kids to say hi

she was a great great woman

she told me once how important it is to own your own house 

I must remember that 

strong willed strong mind clear. 

her face was clear and peaceful near the end. and her leg swelling had gone down a lot. 

I feel a bit numb. 

aaya

the moon

is a sliver of a smile

on a secret face 

a spreading grin 

growing wider every night 

now a slice of watermelon 

Mynnmar

 Beautiful, Anguished Myanmar 

In the news - the military has put Aung San Syuu Ki and her leaders in house arrest and taken over the ruling of the country - another military coup after 1988. - Military has basically been in power since 1965! 

This is such a beautiful country - we visited it in 2019, and then I thought I must bring my parents to see this lovely country too. It is a country my grandfather had visited, my ancestors have deep ties to this country - before they were chased out by the military, some even forced to flee by foot all the way back to India, all their wealth taken possession of by the military. 

then the icon was released, and led the country  - amidst some ugliness regarding the Rohingya crises - but still, a free country with untapped potential, just waiting to bloom  - now, just like that, military control is back. 

Horrendous.