Baby aishu

She's a ray of sunlight
You cannot catch a ray of sunlight
You can only be in its path and feel the glow the warmth the love the life

Baby joy. Twinkling eyes. Michevious smile. Heart wrenching cry. My little insistent bundle of joy

Hemingway made me vegetarian

I'm not vegetarian because I'm Indian or because I'm Hindu.  I'm vegetarian  coz of Ernest Hemingway!  And that is the power of literature you don't know how or when a book will speak to you and change your life and no one books speaks to different people the same way.

Singapore different

Walking to the esplanade is fun beautiful and breath catching at night and early evening

Writing ... I have a friend biw😀 a tiny soul who likes what I wrote and was inspired to write something ething much better

I'm alone at a theatre show filled with couples and young yuppies. Girls giggling too much with ang no men.  And slangz. 

Texture

Crash and splash
Caressing the sand
Sometimes gentle lapping on the shore
Sometimes ferocious beating /falling crashing down

Aathma paramathma

The aathma seeking parathma
Unfettered by these chains
Amma. .. milk...food...bath... care
I yearn to be free
And yet not too free
For tending to these are tending to you too
I shall stay to do my duty with great love
Even as I yearn to reach into the cosmos through the mystical eye
Gravitational pulls keeping us stable
From above and below
Physical spiritual emotional
Aum Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi he

Rage

Inexplicable rage coursing down ones veins
Pumping
Spinning in a vortex fulled by its own energy
Combustive and volatile
The spark that lights it lost in the sheer fury
And then the simmering after the force
A void an echo chamber in the head
Disbelief at how much rage a small person can trigger
For Not having done homework
Taking ages over her food
The worst
Not listening not heeding the Mother

The clash of wills
And the abuse of power
Dominance of size and age and volume of voice
Echoing emptily after it all

disconcerting

So the other day, around 8.30 pm, I was at a bus stop - the wrong one as I had been reading and missed my actual stop near my mum's house - nothing new there really.
I was nearer my own home than my mum's house, so thought I'd head there and wanted to let my mum know.but my phone battery was dead .
There was this other lady at the bus stop that night. She was looking at her phone at what looked like the map of mrt lines or something. She wasn't engrossed in any game, just looking and scrolling down her phone.
so I asked her - Hi, my phone battery is dead, may I borrow your phone for a quick phonecall to my mum to let know that I'm heading home
She looked at me up and down with a sneer on her face, and said, "sorry, no."
I laughed, flabbergasted! She then said - why don't you use the public phone - pointing some vague way off, I knew I'd have to trudge through many blocks to get to a possible pay phone they aren't ubiquitous any more - and I'd likely miss the only bus I could take from there to my home.
so I desisted - but man it bothered me for awhile.
she looked me up and down and then refused.
I was dressed in my work clothes - black pants, red and white sleeveless top, carrying three bags - guess handbag, laptop bag and hushpuppies shoe bag - I mean..
not sure what I triggered in her. She looked only at my face, not at my bags and all the rest

to give her the benefit of the doubt, possibly she had a bad experience before maybe.


that day the intuitive feel I got from her was that I was not to be trusted - and I felt it was due to my being indian or (maybe she perceived me to be among those "distasteful foreigners who are flooding singapore"
or maybe, having read Shanmugam's speech, perhaps she thought I was muslim
in any case, definitely felt it was due to some form of bias or racial/religious/nationalist prejudice against me.

and well. I was miffed of course. but think just think of how much some muslims in various parts of the world must be feeling. and then you have Richard the III saying, "I am determined to prove the villain" , and may as well be hanged for sheep as for a lamb -

good reflection for me, truly.

The inexplicable rage we can feel towards small people

The unmarried are universally aghast.  How could a mother kill her child for not reciting his numbers ???!!!!

The parents all shudder involuntarily. But for chance it could be them in the news.

So. Before we have kids we can't imagine such a thing happening. Our sense of proportion and righteousness all are intact.

Once you are a parent and you find yourself embroiled in a power struggle with a small person,all sense of time and space fall away and that one moment becomes all that ever was ever and is. And in that one cosmic moment in that whole universe there are only two people you.  And your nemesis. the small person who opposes you.  And you want to control him. Get him to do what is good for him. Why won't he understand. Food he needs for nourishment.  Numbers and letters to be someone in this world! sleep by bedtime so he would be well rested for the next day.  And there in that microcosmic world filled with good righteous intentions we lose all sense of proportion and we do it. And forever can't take away the one moment we forgot ourselves.