little things

I can't help it

even when I'm low

the smallest things can lift my spirits up

like a brown butterfly on a step

it's delicate wings flapping,

or a child pointing to the vibuthi bucket

ardently copying the parents in all things 

modelling the outward gestures of prayers so earnestly 

that the blessings for the family will surely double 

babies and butterflies make me smile

for in them I see God's hands, his wonder and then I cannot be sad too long

so

here I am

outside the psychologist's office

hoping I've not made things worse by speaking to the therapist before her. 

and I'm just sitting. thinking of all my unmade plans

or plans unmade

by the passing of time 

and lack of will

a days dip can feel like a low

when I know

I could pick it up again

and if I feel like this

how much more she feels

so young to feel so much

and how useless I am sometimes 

reeling

My mind is reeling.  I feel I should call my parents every morning first thing see how they are doing 

so here's the update 

my dad narrowly escaped stroke and blindness brought about by crazy diarrhoea!  

my mum is suffering from chronic fissure and is in a lot of pain and may have to go for surgery. she also has flooded lungs! 

and my daughter..  is down with a sore throat and is down. a week before school. I'm praying to God she holds up and can go to school alright  

what I'd like everyday

what I'd like to do everyday 

1. 30 min of vigorous exercise that makes me sweat

2. 15 min walk in nature 

3. 5 min at least of quiet time of meditation / reflection 

4..10 min to read quietly 

total 1 hour per day to recharge and build energy 

5. drink 2l of water each day

6. eat some fruits/ raw vegetables everyday 

passing

What do you do 

when you find out a boy you know,

a chubby, cute, somewhat annoying

but not in a bad way 

11- year- old friend of your son, 

suddenly has no mother?

It hits you in the gut,

coz you know he had a mum last week, 

one who'd swim with him, 

take him out for holiday meals, 

just be there for him, with him,

but who now won't, can't,

and your heart aches. 

You tear up while watching Wonka recount his days with his mum 

making chocolate together 

before she passed,

coz now you know a child who will miss his mom, 

and you wonder how he will remember her.

My son whispers to me at night,

arms around my neck, 

"please don't die." 

so

what do we do

when the teen says 

our love may not be enough 

to hold her down

if the urge to fly comes

give our young roots and wings they say 

but they did not mean 

wings to the ground 

so I wait 

ready to wait it out wait it out 

for this too 

must pass

I must hope

Best hotels to stay in tasmania and Melbourne and great ocean road

Recommendations 

1. Taras Farm stay at richmond .

2 nights recommended.  Bit ex but they run a rescue farm. and the only place that seved breakfast of homemade and jam and butter. can feed animals for an extra 40 dollars. 

2. Bask at Bicheno. 3 nights recommended. absolutely best place we stayed in.colour coordinated furnishing and utensils,  coffee machine, backyard with toys. Perfext base to explore bicheno blow hole, penguins, freyicint national park and bay of fires and just hang out and enjoy the day. a good chill day place. 

3. Cradle mountain discovery Park. amazing place. near the walks area. nestled in nature. very comfy warm even in the cold. lovely lovely place. saw wombat up in entry! 

4. Nightcap at Launceston. okay motel. free drinks on welcome and Indian restaurant jungles walking distance.

5. The beach cottage at Port arthur. 3 nights recommended to explore the place. one night to crash. bring a ball to play in their yard and watch stars at night! one day to enjoy the tasman island cruise. one morning at least to explore the historic site. Good to go on Sunday morning the craft sale is very nice got the best gifts there. hand crafted well made. 

6. flinders landing at melbourne.   heart of the happening centre of the city beautiful comfy rooms very friendly helpful receptionist

7. marango caravan park. very close to apollo Bay. near the beach. super Comfy. Close to many attractions.  suggest to stop  by kennet river to spot koalas on the way to marengo

8. summer rest unit at Port cambell.  comfy place  colour coordinated. town is lovely. waves restaurant serves best food. 

Great Ocean Road to Melbourne Day 15 to 17

Day 15 was the best.  most chill and holiday like

Saro and I re lived our port arthur trip in the morning. then I went for a walk, down to a place of absolute majesty and mystery. the meditative sea. washing rising falling rushing foaming never the same pattern coz its a point where currents meet before melting into a bay. the white horses at sea from frozen 2 came to mind. 

it's the image I recall now to conjur power and peace. saro met me in a while and we walked down to the cafe shared a mocha and bought back hasbrowns for the kids  

my current fav Australian bird the blue fairy wren found a fav place at our car and aishu got a pic of it. 

saro took akshaya for her first driving lesson while ashwin aishu and I packed up the place. ashwin is a real star when it comes to cleaning up and place esp the kitchen area. love him. aishu helps a lot too. 

then we went to see the London Bridge. peaceful beautiful sight to end our great ocean road adventures. 

then early lunch at the same gorgeous restaurant, waves restaurant where we had the best lunch this trip. then souvenir shopping at small shops. then playground time. like I said very chill. finally left for Melbourne at 2.30pm. Two mi or stretch stops and we reached Melbourne by 6.30 pm. experienced city peak hour traffic and hook turns for the first time! 

we stayed in the best hotel ever, flinders landing. 

then city life beckons! saro and akshaya went to explore Melbourne University. and... holding my breath... she likes it! can see herself coming here to study. likes the campus location  the student housing and so on. my heart breaks a bit at the thought of sending her overseas to study. I pray she is well enough and has her conditions in control and can be careful about the food she eats. so much to worry about! but also exciting. Good to have something to plan ahead for. 

meanwhile ashwin aishu and I did my fav kind of exploring. the no plan exploring.  kaal ponna pokellam we went and loved it. got samosas and a tandooori chicken to munch as we walked. found a giant Xmas tree at a famous Square. found a Jewish pop group singing for Chanukah.  police patrol at the end but all qas peaceful and happy. saw young Jewish men in skull caps and beards and long sideburns like I've read about and seen on movies but never in real life .

then we walked on towards the river and ashwin found a carnival! we rode the ferris wheel high about the city and kids went spinning round and round on one crazy ride. aishu made a wish for her akka to get better and lit up an Xmas tree 

then walked back and found the most awesome fast food- Lord of the fries a vegan burger place. all bought burgers home. saro and akshaya met us there. then I took kids home and saro wandered around town. 

at the hotel we ate together then ashwin and aishu had long relaxed tub and bubble baths. 

all crashed at night after packing up for next day flight

day 16..

again two groups. aishu ashwin and I headed for pancakes and monopoly dreams. walked 40 min for pancakes after two wrong turns but they tasted great and turned out to be in same building as monopoly dreams. we grabbed money and played a laser game and took pics in jail and generally had loads of fun. earned enough to get us a game of monopoly cards and an ice chocolate for free too! 

then walked by a souvenir shop got us tee shirts for saro me and akshaya and siti and kavin and kaavya. then to the hotel and load the car and petrol and airport and home sweet home

.aishu said she never wants to leave sg for so long again she misses home so much

ashwin said why didn't we take maavu he misses idly and dosai and wants nasi lemak and chicken rice and all that haha!

akshaya naughty girl stepped out felt the heat and says she wants to live in Melbourne she can leave her hair down there 

Melbourne to Great Ocean Road Day 12 to 13

Day 12. started the day exploring Melbourne,  took the tram to the state library just gorgeous then played gold at holey moley and pigged out at briyani House. 

then we started towards great ocean road at 3.40pm. a lot later than we expected. Still quite lovely. we drank in the ocean views as we drove and stopped to pick up dinner at lorne. then got to this amazing cabin at marengo caravan park. basically ate and slept there. 

and I realised something. how city life is exciting but not calming. so much going on we feel fomo all the time. the minute we step into the seaside all these melt away and there is just us and the sea and peace. 

Day 13

next morning we woke up early to go spot koalas along kennet river aishu's idea. qe saw a pack of kangaroos very happy, first wild set to see. we saw three or 4 koalas too,  one mummy and baby pair and one active guy who walked leapt and climbed for us. and we experienced a storm in the forest with winds whipping leaves and twigs in our face! we dashed for the car and raced out. ocean was so different in this rainy light and there was so much lightning. splitting the sky both ways! we raced back to the hotel. aishu went back to bed, saro made breakfast for the kids and I went for a walk to the beach 

Got my feet wet, picked up shells. Spoke to the owner who gave us great travel tips.

After checking out we spotted seals on rocks near our caravan place. saw one more koala up a tree next to a grumpy guy's property.  then went to maits trail. a beautiful enchanted forest walk with four meter tall germs and giant towering mountain ash trees. 

then we went to a fly infested lookout. 

then to gibbons steps. def a highlight. we got up close to one of 12 apostles. saro recorded his Xmas message there with coaching from akshaya. aishu got bowled over by waves and wore a sarong. I got a fabulous pic of ashwin between two apostles. ashwin sent a bottle to the sea. was lovely. and cold. 

we rushed back to our place at poet Campbell. gorgeous cute place summer rest house. at 4. out of the house by 545. aishu and I washed our hair in that time and saro made eggs and bread for the kids and I make bee hoon-  never worked so fast! and it was the best I've done! 

Then we went off to explore the 13 apostles and Loch Ard Gorge. breathtaking . flies gathered and bothered but the views! 

Very humbling to stand there and watch the ancient oceans erode the ancient cliffs a never ending dance. there is no mercy  no malice. just never ending force majesty beauty and awe . 

we tried spotting which arches will collapse next and which columns will form the next apostle and so on. 

then onto our place and dinner and bed. 

Tasmania to Melbourne day 11

Day 11 started at tasmania and ended at Melbourne. 

Morning saro and I recreated some stool magic ans got creative.  then packed had breakfast and headed off to airport in good time. on the way our front windshield got splattered by bees very strange and sudden! so much road kill the kids and I always pray all creatures will be safe with us and we will be safe. then these bees did kamikaze om our car  ! 

anyway the only time we got in early to airport our flight got delayed by 4 hours! had lunch at airport and got vouchers to buy chips and coke and gum.  finally landed in Melbourne.  

There's a huge cyclone building up near cairns and brisbane and also at adelaide. reduced visibility at Melbourne leading to delays. 

Melbourne was nice. pleasant not cold. though we missed the cold of tasmania very much haha. 

got our car, got over the initial.shock st size of boot space. creativity helped and we got all our things in and out of carpark at 559pm. had to get out by 6pm so we cut it close! 

got to our hotel and found reception guys all gone..bit of an adventure getting ourselves in with saro tailgating a guest in who also kindly let him in to hotel after parking! 

walked around Melbourne City. Saro and I liked the city but think kids got taken aback. their idea of city is clean green and silver Singapore. this was brown ans grimy with lost of graffiti everywhere! 

we walked to a Thai place for dinner and saro fell in love with Thai iced milk tea. and we tried a new flat noodles that was yummy. rest of food was OK. 

then walked back to hotel and crashed. aishu tried to gently wake up saro whi had fallen asleep on the sofa and he leapt up from deep sleep and bellowed at her frightening her out of her wits! had to console her and painted image of her feeding kangaroos to help her sleep. 

Today we head off to the great ocean road! saro and ashwin have gone for a walk surprise! usually I'm the first one up and out for walks. cradle mountain was my absolute fav for that.

Tasmania diaries days 9 - 10

day 9 

Got off to a much better start. couldn't sleep the night before so downloaded another 100 songs. so the drive was fun with lots of different songs and ashwin taught us to shuffle the music so we had nice surprises whole day. 

had breakfast of mostly fruits . oranges apples strawberries blackberries and some bread and cupcakes and dates 

then we were off. towards port arthur. last stop before we head to Melbourne  we stopped for lunch and groceries at sorell.felt familiar since we had our first dinner there too. 

then stopped at a freezing pirates bay Eagle hawk area before checking into our beach cottage. cute place. 2nd after bicheno. had a yard but no toys and no dryer so ashwin and I dashed out to buy a ball and a banana for ashwin. and a sponge for the room. 

had dance night complete with a disco ball! and lovely dinner with tomato rice brocoli and Mediterranean vegetables that nobody but me liked! 

watched boss baby and fell asleep.  

day 10 we head to historic district and tasman tour

Day 10

started nice slow and lazy.  First walk for saro and me alone together.  beach was OK bit smelly. but so quiet that the two cars that passed us waved hi, like it was a rare occurance seeing people out and about 

played some rugby in the yard great fun as usual though saro was more winded than he normally would be. I'm worried he says to wait for his cold to pass before worrying! 

then we went off to the historic site but no time to look around just the Sunday Market that sold lovely home made things. Akshaya got thilaga a pretty sun catcher butterfly and we got a sun catcher diffuser spider for ourselves. also got a necklace made of wood that is 4000 years old! petrified wood. loved hearing the old gent explain his process. and got our fav wombat doll at last . lots of frustration at the counter though coz we got a smaller one first but alls well that ends well and we love wombi aka gk ( gundu kathirikai) 

also got a bear shaped soap for thilaga and a devil postcard for ashwin and 3 lovely keychains

 wish I had got more. fairy wren, echidna and little blue penguin.

then the highlight we had been looking forward to whole trip- tasman cruise

it was both fabulous and awful . 

fabulous coz we went racing across rough blue green aquamarine seas, saw seals, big dolphins small dolphins dashing by us around us under us chasing fish diving synchronised swimming albatrosses! lone najestic sea eagle, seals fishing birds diving black and white penguin like cormorants on cliffs, amazing cliffs, waterfalls at blow holes, dolomite columns . 

not so good coz well, ashwin got very sea sick and me a little sea sick and he and aishu were super cold. akshaya had the best time think it was highlight of holiday for her. 

even now when I close my eyes I can see rhw dolphins darting in and out. saw even more at closer proximity than at rock port Perth. and just journeying in that frothing water so close to cliffs hundreds of thousands of years ago, just was surreal. In tasmania you appreciate scale and might and beauty and mystery of nature, of God.

in the peacock at cataract gorge too, they came so near us we could admire the colours the patterns how much time God spent on this one creature, giving it a crest with three colours, feathers that shimmer in tones, one bird, so many colours patterns designs and textures. the peacock by itself is a work of art and wonder, truly! 

back to the seas. the dolphins are playful,. I think what I liked about tasmania is here the people have let the animals feel safe enough to come close. so we daw creatures in the wild up close.  no need for zoos. just watch them in their environment  . like the wombat, then the peacock, even pademellon and now dolphins and seals. we are blessed blessed blessed

so after the ride where ashwin threw up twice and then once more on the bus back, we got home. rested. made dinner. I made amazing cauliflower soup and saro made amazing roasted potatoes. was like the best we had both cooked. amd watched family switch.  finally  a family movie all five of us were awake for. while i packed and finally went to bed, happy. ready. 

Tasmania diaries Day 8

Day 8

Not the best. After checking out from cradle mountain discovery Park we raced towards morokoopa caves but all tours were full. 

then headed to tio Rico for Mexican lunch which was lovely.  just a random search for Mexican food on the Internet led is there. small cute place . 

walked a bit in a park. 

then on to cataract gorge where we were blessed with visions of dancing peacocks following a scenic chairlift ride. even saw baby peacocks chicks! 

then, I swam in the freezing gorge! amazing experience.  

got cold and grumpy after that though. checked into a motel that had a bathtub and whole lot of forbidding rules. was raining too, we ordered Indian food that was okay only. all looked the same orange colour. and lots of fights with ashwin poor fellow. hated the room.

tasmania diaries day 6-7

Day 6: 

headed off towards launceston. stopped by lavender farms. beautiful fields of purple. 

left my phone and had to detour sigh. major emotional meltdown from me. 

checked in at lauceston motel nightcap at launceston.  very pleasant.  ashwin helped choose this according to our budget.

gave us a welcome drink. then we walked over to jungles Indian restaurant. had an amazing dinner kids made friends with a couple nearby from Melbourne who enthused them properly for cradle mountain and cataract gorge. 

day 7: headed to cradle mountain. 

stayed at discovery Park cabin. amazing. had a welcome by a wombat as soon as we entered. ashwin got super close and fab pics. aishued named her wombi.  fairly sure she was carrying a baby too! wombi junior or cutie.  

went for the enchanted walk got awesome photos. saw an pademellon

 like a wallaby but smaller more mouse like face. 

ashwin and I made pasta dinner yummy. ashwin has the touch! 

then watched a family movie about a school pet lizard that can talk and fixes the 5th graders lives in his last year . I slept intermittently. 

Day 8: woke early coz I was freezing. 4 degrees outside.  walked a bit came back to layer up walked some more. then drove out to do the rainforest walk. 

got ashwin we both walked too, he got so cold he dashed to the discovery centre ans had a hot chocolate for the first time. his first hot drink ever. 

finally by 12 we set off, took the bus saw cradle mountain by dove lake. amazing. then stopped by devil's at cradle saw baby devils. amazing story..20 years ago whole country was depressed that 80% of them had died in a matter of 8 years due to face cancer. now there is a vaccine, a recovery programme etc. very inspiring.  saro was mesmerised by some skull crunching the devils were doing. we also learnt more about quolls. spotted tails and Eastern ones. very interesting. 

then we had late lunch at peppers Lodge. Good one. then headed back to waterfall walk and rewarded with sighting of pademelon and baby pademelon! then the best part of the whole trip so far. a self drive to Ronnie creek! should be called wombat world according to aswhin and he is right. they graze the hills like sheep! one came so close to us we felt so blessed. like we were in a documentary.  heard it crunch the grass! it pooped right by us, caught on camera. we could have reached out and touched it if we wanted. it didn't care that we were there. am so happy for that means they have no predators or obvious threats. just mind their own business munching munching. we named this guy gundu kathirikai. other wombat names from the previous day are huppy - hungry and happy fellow l and chubs. we absolutely adore them lah

then back down to cradle mountain for evening views got the reflection photo wow wow wow. 

then back up to our cabin and ashwin and saro whipped up friend rice for us just amazing. 

day 8. I woke up earlier than the rest and had the most amazing walk down to pencil pine falls and kynvyt falls. magical,  a moment I cherish. wanted to so much to bring the rest but couldn't.  

tasmania diaries days 4 -5

so day 4, we headed up to freyicint national park to see our beloved wineglass Bay 

kudos to all of us for making it up and down and up and down again! 20 years ago it wasn't as tough. 

gorgeous views. saro proposed again at the beach and we exchanged rings with the kids presiding over the event. cute and sweet. packed lunch to eat at the beach. 

 going up I got worried for saro he got quite winded. I'm slow and I know it. but we didn't know about him.  Still we fashioned walking sticks for ourselves learning from aishu and managed it. 

cooked up a storm that night. pepper chicken, tomato rice, asparagus and mushrooms. hearty dinner and then slept 

day 5. backyard games in the morning. cricket and rugby so funny all of tackling aishu and saro and shouting foul and rolling over on the grass. easily one of the best memories of the trip. saro started feeling a bit ill though bummer. cold starting. 

headed off to bay of fires.  haha we don't know we ever found it. but pulled over at two secret beaches . secret coz not well known. just dodgy lanes by the side saro suggested we stop at. what gifts. a bird nesting area. don't think we saw baby birds or eggs but was an amazing beach . felt okay about missing 7 mile beach coz of that. 

then onto a trek to find the famed Bay of fires. GPS led us into a private farm where we chased a poor lamb down a path till it finally found friends. 

then we wandered up a forest path down kennel Rd or something. no Bay of fires but rewarded with lots of wild wallaby sightings. again a highlight of the trip. at one point sun was glaring so much saro couldn't see. I asked him to stop if so and good thing! there was huge tree in front of us! 

stayed at St George's Bay. unremarkable but ok. earlier when the boys slept us girls went exploring and made friends with 3 puppies. now even akshaya wants a border collie. think we may have our dog. fingers crossed by end next year? 

had lovely family dinner again. roast chicken with rice and simple bee hoon. 

tasmania diaries days 1 to 3

today is day 4 Sunday 

we arrived on Thursday, 30th Dec 

day 1: stopped at richmond brdige and played with ducks.check into farm. had noodles and slept like baby pigs. headed to sorell for Chinese take out, groceries, played durian game and slept 

day 2: breakfast and farm feeding. sheep, alpaca, pony squeaky and hens. then hobart city for bollorong rescue centre. learnt a lot about wombats and echidna. fed kangaroos. then headed to hobart city for lunch and walked about the city. used museum toilets! then up to Mount Wellington! saw a wild echidna on the way! love and hearts. so super cute. core memory

 then up to Wellington mountain. amazing views chilly cold. lovely. back to farm for dinner cooked by Ashwin and me. fried rice stir fry vegetables and asparagus. 

day 3, headed to salamanca Market for some shopping and light lunch.  bough wombat tee and pretty bracelets. then onto bicheno. Two lovely stops along the way, blasting tamil music. drive past a low river by one side then the sea by the other. a dream! then to bicheno blow hole. so amazing blue and orange and white . in love. core memory again. 

then to our darling place., bask . cottage by the sea with backyard and toy cricket bat and tennis ball. had instant noodles and made fried noodles.then to see penguins. little blue fellows. had privilege of a penguin parade right by our feet. delight x 3! 

today is day 4. heading out to freycint national park.