Drama in the life of a 7 year old

All the drama of the life of a seven year old
You study for a test and your best pal tells you he didn't. He warns you you better not study the next time. What's a 7 year old to do?

Days like this

Days like this
When the work
Stretches out in never ending swirls
The end of which I haplessly chase

I want to grab Time by the collar and hold it up against the wall. Thuggish.
Finish the backlog
Then dusting it off.. let it go again.

And no one will know I dropped out of time for awhile

Guns

Let there be guns he said
For they bring us money

Their lives have jus begun
Let there be guns

Love

Who is the more hurt
The one who can't bear to give away tokens of love
Or the one who can't bear to keep them?

Who deserves the golden mango.
The sincere diligent one
Or the one with the out of box thinking ?

Ghazal

Refrain: tonight today now love baby rain
I could use rain

Tonight it may rain
Troubles rains
Running in the rain
Rain before the sun
Umbrella the rain
Blessings in rain

I could use baby

Gun violence
Ridiculous
Malala got shot at schools by terrorists wanting to keep her mouth shut. Just her.

These kids got shot. So random. So frequent. So much more scary? No. But scary. 

The fantabulous zoo

Welcome welcome
To the fantabulous zoo
Everything here is just a little
Marvellous as you will see too

On the right you will see

A hungry hippo perched on a reed
Flapping electric blue wings
He  has spied some fish on which to feed
While the blue king Fisher
wallows in mud
A blown up balloon on two dainty feet

On your left you will see

A leatherback turtle foraging for leaves
On trees up high
It's spotted neck stretched to the sky
While the giraffe sticks spindly legs
Out of a patchwork shell
Snapping at sea weed ferociously

As you move up the road
Do look out for the cunning red fox
Hopping behind the

Come in come in
But be warned
You may not leave the same

Special time

Last Sunday I hit on this idea to spend 20 to 30 min with each child alone..no phone no distractions. Doing something the kid liked. With Ashwin it was wrestling. With Akshaya it was a talk about the need and birds!! With aishu it was playing a game and reading a book. They really treasured it!

Then last night i was down and played the piano. Little one came to me and said how come you only play with deepa and not your own child!! She's just so sharp I tell You!

Earlier she gave me an hongbao fron school and told me with her eyes lips face everything. This is for chikdren who jave no eyes no ears no hands we must give them sone money! I handed over 20 dollars no qn asked!

US shooting. Again.

Looks like teenagers may help bring about change no one else has been able to. To the gun laws in America. So unfathomable. I would tell my self I can't be bothered except that I've got cousins and nieces and nephews studying there! How can I say I dont care?

Days

I love these days
Where I dont watch the clock
Where I have no idea how long I've spent with the kids at the playground and eating ice cream
Just glorious time laid out in front of me for me to walk on as slowly as we all want
Much the less 5 more min.. enough to feel we had enough time to have fun
Such a luxury!

He called me

Out of nowhere.
And shared he's been taking deepa to speech therapy class
He was so animated until he suddenly realised I may share all this with aatha and then he clamped up
From his view everything my parents have done is wrong wrong wrong
That one trip to the doc where they checked her for autism really is something he can't get over.
At least he is taking her for treatment now. And when he explains to me I get it why unexpected visits could throw her off and that a relaxing routine is critical for her. But they didn't know that . And he's determined to think ill of them. He doesn't believe that they have good intentions. He actually thinks they are sarcastic to a child! Their grandchild. He's willing himself to believe the worst of them. It is possible his wife had turned him against them one never knows.
He believes she feels like crap after they talk to her! And she blossoms when saro speaks to her!!! Sounds to me he's projecting his feelings onto her. Likely he can't stand the sight of them talking to her and it pains him.
Still. All this out of love for his daughter. And he is taking her to speech therapy and acting upon it. All that is good. If only he could have trusted them to tell them. They would have stopped turning up. He doesn't feel he can trust them.

Perhaps I too would be very very angry and upset had i found out they had taken any of my kids for an autistic test. Or any test.

Still..sigh. They are both hurting. Smarting. And this will take time. But its not an unhealable rift I think. Perhaps things won't ever go back to "normal". But hopefully they do go back to being able to see each other and talk about deepa.  

My parents still love him.

So sad. Praying to  god all is well.

Heart breaking rift

My dad and brother spoke. My dad told him how hurt he was at my brothers words. He was quite shattered really. Huge blow. He had thought he was my brother's hero and to find out what he really thought of him hurt.
My brother said sorry many times. His sorry many times is.. in my opinion and experience... not really a sorry at all. More of a desperate way of stopping what is hurting or painful as quickly as possible. And indeed. He seems happy not having my parents over. He speaks normally to my mum about other things.
My parents now feel that he thinks they aren't good for the child. That hurts them. The fact that he knows how he hurt them and is doing nothing to alleviate their hurt or to make amends or build bridges that involves them seeing Deepa is really hurtful now. They can't pretend he doesn't know . So they have to accept he knows and doesn't want things to change.
That's painful.
All they had was concern for deepa and now it looks like they may not get to see her again!!! I hope it palls over. He is not one to genuinely apologise. He wont. But... to keep them from their beloved grand daughter... They must be strong. I love them. The whole world loves them looks up to them. Their own son treats them like dirt and dangerous scum around their kid! Such irony.
Kanna has no idea how lucky we are to have had our parents as our parents.
Maybe one day he will know the pain he caused them and feel truly sorry.

Looking good

You look so good
In your skin coloured, figure hugging dress accentuating your curves, that flat tummy
Your dark blonde hair swinging free till the middle of your back
Pushing your baby girl in a pram beside your man pushing her brother in another. He wears jeans and tee and pushes off - waiting for you but only just, as you adjust the hem of your dress at mid calf. You take wider strides with your toned legs to catch up and pause to adjust the rising hem again. He pauses too-  for half a second - with nothing to adjust... he's off ahead.

I would rather push a pram in jeans and tee. 

-------
You look so good
In your skin coloured, figure hugging dress accentuating smooth round cups,   that flat tummy
Your dark blonde hair swinging free till the middle of your back
Pushing your baby girl in a pram beside your man pushing her brother in another. He wears jeans and tee and pushes off - waiting for you but only just, as you adjust the hem of your dress at mid calf. You take wider strides with your toned legs to catch up and pause to adjust the rising hem again. He pauses too-  for half a second - with nothing to adjust... he's off ahead.

I would rather push a pram in jeans and tee. 

Friends like pearls revised

I collect my friends
Like freshwater pearls over time-
An amulet. Now
They scatter across the table
Yearning
To string together again

They talked

My brother came over the other day and it felt as if nothing at all had happened. On one side my dad was close to a breakdown wanting to see a psychiatrist admiring he was depressed wondering why he couldn't just go to god now saying he thought kanna woyld be happy of he was gone.
And here was kanna totally cheerful and nonchalant.
Then he went to pass my dad things and my dad spoke to him. About the need for open conversation and tgat he had been so hurt by his words. All he could say was sorry sorry sorry. His sorry. They sound insincere when he rattles them out quickly. It's like Ashwin when he just wants the pain to stop. Not registering anything at all. I would like to stop his sorry midway and ask him what exactly are you sorry for???
Anyway. Happy they talked. He needs to know how much he hurt my parents oh so casually.
It's been a rough time for them for more than a year now. All because of their love for deepa and a lack of communication between them.

Where do birds go revised

Where do birds go when they die?
Maybe they just fall from the sky.
And when they fall where do they lie?

Do they dissolve into the air,
Melt into earth, unaware?
Maybe, they float on like a prayer.

Does a coastal bird end in the sea,
A tropical bird become a tree?
Does a city bird just cease to be?

Where do birds go when they die?

Where do birds go revised

Where do birds go when they die?
Maybe they just fall from the sky.
And when they fall where do they lie?

Do they dissolve into the air,
Melt into the earth, unaware?
Maybe, they float on like a prayer.

Does a coastal bird end in the sea,
A tropical bird become a tree?
Does a city bird just cease to be?

Where do birds go when they die?

They talked

My brother came over the other day and it felt as if nothing at all had happened. On one side my dad was close to a breakdown wanting to see a psychiatrist admiring he was depressed wondering why he couldn't just go to god now saying he thought kanna woyld be happy of he was gone.
And here was kanna totally cheerful and nonchalant.
Then he went to pass my dad things and my dad spoke to him. About the need for open conversation and tgat he had been so hurt by his words. All he could say was sorry sorry sorry. His sorry. They sound insincere when he rattles them out quickly. It's like Ashwin when he just wants the pain to stop. Not registering anything at all. I would like to stop his sorry midway and ask him what exactly are you sorry for???
Anyway. Happy they talked. He needs to know how much he hurt my parents oh so casually.
It's been a rough time for them for more than a year now. All because of their love for deepa and a lack of communication between them.

The moon

The moon a pale disc in the morning sky
A cloud among clouds it a little more distinct

Words twisting knives

My father is hurt. So very hurt by words my brother has used about him. Such hurting words.
He's going berserk. He's suspicious of them thinks they are trying to show off how good they are
He's becoming a very bitter young man. Can't see the light side of things
For my parents it's so painful for they have only ever shown love to them.
They need to stop seeing them for awhile. It's his loss.
But... He's my brother. I love him. They still love him even after all the hurt He's caused. But they need to love from afar. Such a rift. They may not speak with one another again for awhile.
My brother. He needs help. But he needs to see he needs help first. If words could kill.... my dad and mum started wondering why they were even living! No parent should have to think things like that.
I have hurt them terribly too before. Recent years have been better mostly after i have had kids. Can appreciate them better i guess. I tell the kids to love them.

I dont want aishu to go near them. They resent her for she shows off to them the difference between deepa and her..

My parents love deepa. Theu feel guilty at not spending time with her. So they go as often as they can. They feel if they speak to her more she will speak more. He wants to do as much as he can for her. But my bother misconstrues all this. He is unable to see their good intentions. He's dealing with surfaces constantly. He's not even going deep into his own emotions. It's a bit scary.

He's gone crazy thinking about autism like its a bad word! He's using it to accuse my dad! Autism is not an accusation. It's a condition!!!

And he can't stop blaming people for things. He's never really learned to stop and take responsibility.

When he crashed the car the car was faulty he was faultless. When he failed his driving test it was coz the instructor was biased. If he had been a girl woth a short skirt he would have passed. That's what he said!
When he didnt follow up on the girl he liked it was my parents fault for making him think he needs an arranged marriage
Now his daughter might meed intervention and it's my dad's fault for passing on autistic genes to her.
How did he come to this???