my parenting dilemmas

Let children be children or guide boys to become gentlemen? 

yesterday my son, age 9, at a restaurant got a drink he loved, lemon juice that was perfect, to his taste. 

his younger sister wanted to try itnas she had never done so and he very reluctantly let her have a taste 

as the meal ended and stomachs were full, he had half a glass left. 

his sister said, Anna if you cannot finish it, I can have some

he didn't say anything 

I read between the lines that she wanted some. I was already mad at how ungraciously he let her try a few sips earlier. 

(perhaps he had known then a few sips would lead to more!) 

anyway so I told him, hey let her have some. and he nodded and said wait wait and proceeded to slurp the whole thing up!I think he meant to give her the last bit, but with  straw you know what happens. 

well I got mad. led to a half hour lecture for him. about sharing.  how he was treating her like some dog he gives scraps to..

got him to do a reflection at night about his behaviour.  

we talked about it. he felt it was I who wanted her to have it not really she. I told him about listening to the lines in-between. that she wanted it but was being gracious. 

now I'm thinking, maybe it was my ego my own beliefs. that he should he gracious and kind and share. knowing how she would share her things with him all the time. 

I could have let it go. just a small child loving his drink

and let him enjoy it peacefully without bugging him to share it. 

sigh. on the one hand, I want them to grow up able to give up things they love. they were already doing that yesterday being vegetarian in a meat serving restaurant. I should have appreciated that more. 

on the other I don't want them to always put themselves down. so how? 

argh. Balance is key i guess. 

books and movies 2021

so I actually stayed at it and wrote all that I read and watched in 2020

here's to a good start in 2021

currently reading in Jan

1. the sympathiser by Van Thanh Nguyen

2. we make spaces divine by pooja nansi 

3. vipers daughter by Michelle paver (done)

4. Tamil a biography (from dec!) (done in feb) 

5. To Kill a Mockingbird (done)

in Feb 

6. pride and prejudice done

7. love stories edit by Anita devi pillai 

8. kingdom of Lost cities 

in March 

9. Emma

10. When

11. short stories 

movies and shows in Jan

1. Bridgerton 

2. Tribhanga 

3. Pride and Prejudice 

4. The Firm 

Feb

1. lupin 

2. the great Indian kitchen 

3. mudhal mariyathai 

4. sindhu bhairavi 

5. white tiger 

Mar

1. suits. addicted..

today

thank you 

for letting me see the wonder 

of a mealworm wriggle out of its skin

emerging white and fresh, shedding its tired brown skin

an exfoliation we aspire to perhaps

to shed our past and emerge clean?

singapore's colonial story maybe? the only nation to embrace the colonisers 

perhaps these two years will be but a blip in history. 2 years when we hardly travelled. 

but in that year, a baby was born who has yet to see his grandmother, r his mother's best friend. he knows not the loss but they yearn to hold him in their arms. to know he is crossing milestones we cannot see. this virus has been cruel indeed 

where are the words 

to capture the sheer

beauty 

of the gentle folds of waves

as they wash ashore

and the wave lines etched 

on the sand 

beneath 

the retreating tide? 

tiny ridges 

how the mountains seem 

to eagles soaring above

maybe?

with the clouds above mirroring the waves below

a squirrel dashed right past my parked bicycle

a flash 

of darker brown on brown 

ge2020 again

just saw a post about whether in 2030 sg will be more or less cohesive. 

I feel, I pray, we will be more cohesive. not less. there are good signs. the ge2020 in my mind being one such clear sign. 

the pap sought to divide us, making us think we cannot see beyond skin colour. the people proved them wrong. dead wrong. we value people and what they can bring regardless of colour. wp won aljuneid with just one Chinese person in the team. their head is no longer Chinese even.  Still they won. 

as a people we said  no to the filthy politics of shanmugam when he tried to say raesah Khan was racist. we said no when alfian was being portrayed as a traitor for caring about sg. sg is my country.  I felt so much and felt so much safer and prouder of my country after the elections. 

a copse of trees

A copse of trees at dawn 

catches the light along 

Sungei Serangoon,

reflecting the infinite 

shades of Nature's green. 

Pale, bright, lemon, olive...

words can only go so far. 

The colours I see 

span worlds in between