purpose of coming to work

In these strange covidy times

today I suddenly had to register myself

at the security counter  before I could walk into my office, 

and I had to indicate purpose of visit.

I put down "work". 

What else could I come into work for?.

Would i come in to

eat drink and be merry,

catch up with friends who are also colleagues, 

or perhaps to catch 40 winks at my desk?

Maybe i come in for a sense of worth

here I am, a working woman, I have an office to go to,  I matter, I do, 

Actually I believe I came in to discuss poetry.

Perhaps I was not told

I need not come

and so here I am

to eat, drink, socialise, nap, talk about poetry and matter. 

You have a good day at work too, my friend! 

 

life

sometimes the thought that i may have to live another 40 years scares me

me with my wobbly knees.. how do we stay healthy and active living meaningful lives without burdening others foe that long. 49 more years means I'm literally only at the half way mark now, at 44. 

what does the future hold

will I be close to my kids or estranged 

will I have a life after they leave for marriage and work and studies 

will saro and I be close 

will we be with one another (horrors!) marriage is for ever but we cannot take things for granted 

will I be still at moe, or retired in 30 years ? or will I have left and become a writer 

sometimes it's too stifling being in the ministry and I long for the freedom of not being in it

but can I be anywhere else

 it's all I've known since 22. and all my life I've lived in Singapore. I feel so ill equipped to do anything outside my comfort zone 

a two year old asserts himself

A small person asserts himself

On my morning walk today 

a movement caught my eye. 

It was a child,

just about knee height, 

stamping his feet. 

His mum was trying to coax him across the street, 

but the playground was the other way.

There's a reason why preschoolers are so small-

the mum scooped him up onto her hips, and crossed the road.

He whined

and directed blows at her shoulders with tiny fists 

but one could see his heart was not in it. 

Secure in his mum's arms, he played his role, that of a three-year old trying to assert himself,

while she played hers 

with soothing whispers and a firm hold. 

They discussed going to the playground that evening

as they passed me, on my morning walk.

murder on the red dot

we are many things

boring utopian 

fine city

but now we are alsp the modern scary dystopian city

truly joining the 1st World? 

boy murders father . gaming addict took father's comments personally. 

father used to hit him and yell at him and perhaps falsely accused him of things 

father murders twin boys.  no blood

found in canal 

guttural event

inspired by "there is a lingual event, not in the voice but in the clearing of the throat" by Catherine Bergvall 

there is a guttural event, not in the toilet, but in the prepartion to break wind, a clenching of muscles to indicate a trumpeting, 

uncertainty as to the volume, the cracks, the lingering of any scents after. 

garuda

v3

if we see a brahiminy kite circling in the sky, 

it's supposed to be a good omen.

A tiny spark lights up,

coz that day's gonna be a good day, 

So when I drive or take a walk or ride the bus, 

I make it a point to scan the skies 

every now and then.

Today I looked up and saw it,

unmistakable, brown with a white throat, 

gracefully circling,

owning that patch of sky above a crown of trees

and I smiled my secret smile.

until I remembered the mouse in the long grass, 

perhaps also looking up,  but certainly not smiling, 

hoping today is not its unlucky day.

v2

if we see a brahiminy kite circling in the sky, 

it's supposed to be a good omen

and a tiny spark lights up,

coz, that day's gonna be a good day, 

So, when I drive or take a walk or ride the bus, 

I make it a point to scan the skies every now and then.

Today I looked up and saw it,

unmistakable colouring, brown with a white throat, gracefully circling,

owning that patch of sky with a crown of trees - Garuda- 

and I smiled my secret smile.

till I thought of the mouse hiding in the long grass, perhaps also looking up,  but clearly not smiling, 

hoping today is not it's unlucky day.

v1

if we see a brahiminy kite circling in the sky, it's supposed to be a good omen

the sign of Garuda you know? 

and a secret smile lights up 

coz,today's gonna be a good day, or that thing you'd been hoping to go well will go well

and so, when I drive or take a walk or rode the bus, I make it a point 

to scan the skies every now and then

for that sign, Garuda circling the skies 

today I looked up and saw it

unmistakable colouring, brown with a white throat.gracefully circling

owning that patch of sky,  it's crown of trees

and I smiled

till I thought of the mouse hiding in the long grass, perhaps also looking up but clearly not smiling, hoping today is not it's unlucky day

too much

yesterday things felt a bit much to me

like in a space of 3 weeks a lot of life was telescopes

there was birth, there was death there was chrysalis, each  week apart, and birthdays to celebrate youth and age in between . not to mention fear of illness and time with children and the ever-present work.  there is the celebration of the harvest,  thaipusam 

a lot of life in 3 weeks 

every day on the news

Every day on the news 

as i drive to work

i hear of floods and storms- 

this many dead

this many hurt 

this many missing 

and hundreds of thousands displaced, living in shelters 

while the water washes out their homes,

and i wonder 

is it just a matter of time, 

it has to be,

before this becomes our reality. 

we here, on this island buffeted from storms by bigger lands,

we float like a bubble. 

In this bubble we squabble

over banned books,

and unfinished papers

we marry, have kids and worry about their health, 

untouched 

by all the water pressing down on us.

One day 

this dome will burst.

What will we be thinking of 

as we drown?