Aishu sweet heartbreaking turns

She's been full of it this weekend.
Wanted a bike . Went to the shop..found the purple one sold out.
It's okay I like this cycle.
Only colour is different.
But that didn't work either
Just accepted it.
Sunshine personality!

Frankenbooger Frankenstein

Saturday morning
Ashwin mentioned frankenbooger in his captain underpants series. And was laughing wondering how tbat can be scary.
.so I told them briefly about Frankenstein. They wanted to know more.
I told then the whole thing in summary
Asked them questions
They gave such good thoughtful answers
Ashwin felt sorry for the monster as it had no friends
Aishu felt sorry for the inventor for creating a monster he didn't mean to

When i explained the monsters request they got it. That. Series of baby monsters was so scary. And the dilemma . What to do. Can the creator destroy his creations.
We make Lego we break it
Can I also destroy my kids
They were quick to say no. And explained it. They have feelings. Dreams. Nightmares
So awesome. Discussing what makes humans diff from robots.
Then this monster has feelings. So how
Aishu suggested the inventor makes himself a monster to keep the monster company. She agrees she wouldn't want to be a monster though
Ashwin suggested he create a boy monster so they can be friends without having babies
Was so super. Loved discussing Frankenstein with them

Then by chance thay evening we found a children's version off Frankenstein and bought it. Akshaya has finished it. Ashwin is reading it though he doesn't fully get it. Just magic

Sonnet

Journey to motherhood

When i think of my deep longing for you
The temple rounds, the church pews I knelt on
The cold baths at wells. The long train rides to
Far-off shrines to drink bitter concoctions

I feel pain. My own body betrayed me.
Month after month, red marks said i failed
The fasts the prayers the lamps lit with ghee
Still nothing.

We tried absurd positions for you
Legs in the air well after the matter
Revolving doctors. Popping pills anew
IUI. again. Ready to shatter

When the last rays of hope thinned to despair
A blue line beside the red said you were there

Lowland

Good book
Quiet
Meditative
At first I found it false and restrictive.
All that silence.
Totally lacking life
Later I realised it was intentional
To morrow the restrictions the characters were feeling
All had such tough lives

1. Udhayan. Rising with the sun. But he died so young. Before 30. For a cause. Worthy? 50 years ok they are still fighting.

Kills a policeman for no reason other than he's a policeman. Brainwashed. Terrorist organisation truly.

Yet.. cuts a lonely idealistic fellow. So young. Shot in the back.

2. Gauri. Used and uses. Left pregnant. After knowing he didn't want a kid. She didn't want one either. So baby brings mixed feelings. Trapped by udhayan . First his parents. Then his child and brother. Truly suffocating. Implicit in having had the policeman killed. Not called to account. The guilt. Not able to reach out. Hiding in PhD work. No maternal feelings.

3. Subhash. Too nice. Takes responsibility foe udhyan and gauri. And bela. He does all the naming. An act of owning. And yet. A crippling fear that keeps his Daughter at bay for years. Till she is 34!

4. Bela. Poor child. Loveless marriage. Hurting. Thinking she couldn't get her mum to love her. Blaming the father for not having kept the mother. Not understanding the lack of love between them and the shadow of udhayan between them. His blood running in her still. Also the mother's. Keeping aloof. Her cutting remarks to her mum are the first sign of explosive feeling in her.

Want to have to

The four year old sees me bogged down by my work which seems never ending
I'm not  the type to bring work home and worry at it constantly ignoring the kids

She asks
Do you Do the work you do because you have to or you want to

What a question

No one makes me do what I'm doing
But i feel I have to
So that means I want to or have to?

00.00

The time is now 00.00
It will be like this for exactly 60 seconds each day