Happy Tuesday

God answers prayers

Kevin

IOkay re reading Kevin now
Seeing it new light
I always just read it as a narrative
I found relief in the boy's diabolic nature. The four extremes of character.
One evil
One innocent
One foolish and blind
One prescient

Made it easier to read than if it was all life like

But today I'm reading it for craft too
And I see and wonder about Eva as a narrator

Totally one sided. For all we know things were never like that except to her. That was the only way she could make sense of things. To paint her family in such stark ways. She's the most admirable character of the lot. At least have had her suspicions. And she's saintly for not having left much earlier. So... yeah something not right but it's okay. It is from her perspective.

I am also wondering about to what extent were they responsible for what he became ?
Sure kids can be naturally spiteful and malicious and intelligent and cold
But upbringing ?
They seem to let him be. Potty training. Coarse language. And one harsh and one stupid parent not backing each other up

Also the role of faith of having to beleive in something bigger

Trump won't last two years

He won't complete even half his term

Reflections on women's roles in the mahabharatha

Limited room within which to manoeuvre
Why should an unwed mother be a source of shame to her family
Why pin that on women
That if they get raped get kids it's shameful for the girl and her family?

Why should a man whose mother had a baby out of wedlock not be given equal privileges

The burden of chastity lies with the girl. Those are accepted as non negotiable. So within those boundaries she must make the best of what she gets.

Kunti. Didn't have kids from hubby anyway. At that point she could have said I have another child born the same way.

And why is chastity associated with purity ? Pure of heart I understand. But chastity = purity. Why?

Women as property.

Belonging to the husband. Lost at dice like money and property. Drupadi.

Kunti again. Screwed from the beginning. So didn't acknowledge karna because of shame that would befall the other 5. Why should that be the case at all?

Then son curses mother to never keep secrets. But she did till the rnd. Is he saying better if she had said that at all?

Plus where is woman's choice in matter concerning their bodies their lives
Draupadi wanted only arjunaforced to sleep with 5 men with renewable virginity

Wanted to think of herself as unchained to useless gambling husband but not accepted.
Given a boon that she will eat only after all the men eat

When she wanted arjuna she had to insult Karna. Otherwise no choices given to her.

You know the more I read religious texts o see a conspiracy across history and religions to subjugate women. It's been a hard upward struggle. But still. I tell myself. These religious texts were written by men in a time when it was societal norms for women to be subjugated. History is written by victors. And religious texts by the powerful genderwise at that time. I mean who had access to education to the ability to read and write then?
It's easy to withold access to education and then say only men are educated and therefore superior. It's a scam. A conspiracy.

So then how to have a relationship with God? Direct. My heart to god. No books to tell me my place in society. Just me and him. Love trust total and complete surrender. I yearn to and strive to do this with god. Not with men. Om shakthi om namashivayam

I find myself very conscious of who I am as am Indian woman

YI find myself very conscious of myself as an Indian woman before strangers

Conscious of
- to whom I may appear attractive to (usually Indian guys and maybe Malay guys)
-Who will be indifferent to how I look (usually Chinese guys)
-Who may find me faintly repulsive (very few Chinese women)

Indian women may see me and smile in camaraderie . Some may judge me haha- where's her thali?

Malay women... I dunno

Such generalisations these are.

I was out once.
Not a date but I somehow ended up at borders next to a classmate - tall good looking Chinese guy. I was pointing out to him whom I thought was attractive. I can't remember all whom I pointed to but there must have been one or two Indian women among them
I will never forget his remark. Very apologetically rendered. 
"I'm quite traditional.  I'm only attracted to Chinese girls"

Maybe he thought I was coming on to him and he was trying to gently warn me off. I say most resolutely I wasn't Haha! In fact I just had this epiphany as I'm writing it .

I was taken aback by his I'm traditional and only find Chinese women attractive. So no miss world pageants for him. No wonder so many Chinese here don't know Aishwarya Rai. Only Indians and Malays do for what she represented was international acceptance of Indian women as beautiful.

This episode happened after 1994 by the way. When she won.  

So while I can see beauty in Chinese Indian and Malay men and women ... to a large part of society here.. educated mind you.. I and other Indian women don't even  exist as possible icons of beauty.

And so paradoxically I feel quite safe wandering around knowing most Chinese guys wouldn't care twice about me. But I may be objectified by the much fewer Indian and Malay men. Which is better. To be objectified or be invisible? A non entity
Such limited options apparently.

And so. This experience above is not unique to me but also unknown to many men for instance may never know what it means to feel objectified all the time. To feel unsafe sexually to always have in mind where it's safe to walk to consider the implications of what you wear... these are female fears men can't fully understand unless they live in a woman's world  this is a man's world unfortunately. Haha.

And then I'm Indian
.7% Only in this country. 3.5% if you take away the men.

No wonder I said earlier on I said I feel I'm fighting minority battles on many grounds. An Indian . Woman. Advocate if literature in a Chinese majority man's world that values only English language.

Singapore on the brink

Singapore... is on the brink of something
Increased self policing on one hand
Increased self expression on the other. Self here refers to the nation as self not just individuals

Reflections on a handmaid's tale

A woman's worth is based on her ability to produce babies.
This is not new. That's what makes it so disturbing.
You see it in the tudors. King Henry desperate to have a son discards his wives when they don't conceive sons.
A whole new church was created then.

And Indian women no need to say. Our bodies aren't out own at least traditionally.
Even for me I felt more accepted by my mum in law after kids arrived
So I started wondering... was my self worth based on my being able to have kids?

But no. I have always loved children. It's also a natural instinct to want to have babies. Survival of the fittest and all.
But i won't go so far to say to not want kids is unnatural.
See it's good of some don't want kids. That too is natural  A small way of balancing the order in nature the number of people on earth.

My heart always goes out to those who want kids but can't yet have them given my personal experience .

So handmaid's tale. What is a woman's worth? A recurring theme in sci fi novels is to swing extra religious and into modes of extreme denial of pleasure following a time of binging on pleasure and excess. Surely the message is to preach moderation in all things including faith.  

Pig in wig

There was a little pig
Who wore a yellow wig
He started on his dig
And did a happy jig

There was a little goat
Who wore a pretty coat
She sat in her boat
And sailed around the moat

There was a little cat
Who wore a velvet hat
She lay on her straw mat
And never chased a rat

There was a little pup
Who had a purple cup
He asked his friend to sup
And never did give up

There was a young raccoon
Who set off for the moon
She took off in June
And hopes she'll be there soon.

There was a lady bug
Who had a silver mug
She poured juice from a jug
And lay back on her rug

There was a bumble bee
Who wore a flashy tee
He flew up to me
And said you forgot your key!

There was a little snake
Who really loved to bake
He made a chocolate cake
But dropped it in the lake!

There was a little hen
Who loved to hold a pen
Her friends gave her ten
She decided  to go zen

There was a little sheep
He climbed a hill so steep
He never made a peep
He just fell fast asleep

My children 's books of phonic rhymes!!! A draft

Goat in a boat

There was a little goat
Who wore a pretty coat
She sat in a boat
And sailed around the moat!!!

Food

Avocado toast for millennial babies
Beetroot burgers turn me red
Carrot cakes with walnuts
Durian puffs perfume meeting rooms
Eggplant mousakka
F