Best friends leaving

My heart feels bereft. One by one they are all leaving. First malar.  Then sutha.  Now subair. 
I am happy for them. But sad for me . No two ways about it.

I don't know why I'm feeling it so much now. 

really every time I think about it I'm bothered. 

Yesterday I literally bawled. like a spoiled child that all my friends were leaving, that I can't make new friends that i don't want any more new friends. 

even now, as I think of what gift to get samir, I am choking up. 

earlier today I was scolding subair pig! haha not to him yet though I'm sure I will be. 

he gave me something when I got attached - he felt a little tug somewhere in him. that feeling that your friend is moving on. 

I still have that toy he gave  me he probably wont' remember it

it's not I call them all the time or anything just that... 

it was nice knowing we are all nearby. 

even recently we were planning to organise a malaysia sea food getaway with them and all you know

and sleep overs for samir here and ashwin there

all that ... ya. 

sucks. 

ashwin really likes samir. ashwin needs guy friends,. 

heavy heavy heart. 

selfish too I guess but I don't want to beat myself up for missing my friends. I think i'm allowed to. 

grr,

I love my kids, but my friends were my ticket to another parallel life I had beyond the kids
I am afraid with them all gone
my world will shrink back to my kids only
and that's no good we all know
they will each fly off pretty soon, and then what will I have left
my husband of course. thank goodness for the rock of man god has gifted me
my friends leaving, and he felt a pang too. just for that I love him
I cry and bawl and scream and he just holds me. for that I love him
he wakes up tirelessly to make milk for the baby, singing "mum mum for aishu". for that I love him.