Can't sleep

I can't sleep coz of the thoughts in my head

Brad pit and Angelina are divorcing and the world is in shock.  I'm not but the world is. Why aren't I?  I already felt that shock when Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt split ages ago.

But here's the thing. I'm starting to think it's not natural or normal for men to stick to one partner. They get bored. They need things to be snazzed up.

So maybe that's why I shouldn't protest saros temple addiction
Better the temple than another woman

But

How about for women what do I turn to in boredom
Music. Literature and travel maybe

My kids love me and are happy to have me put then to bed. 
Someone is happy having me put them to bed too
So this will become my norm
I wake up early I sleep late putting them to bed
He just does his own thing  and I'm so cool with it
Live Buddha like with   no expectations
Thing is...this Buddha like nirvana state means I will feel acutely happy less too. Everything is transient and impermanent. 

If I were to die who would miss me most
I believe my parents followed by my children
I don't think he'd miss me except that maybe he'd have to cut down his other woman stuff. Maybe then again maybe not.
I hate feeling so bitter and so sorry for myself. 
I want to get out of it but I can't
Everyone is fighting their own battles.
So if I want him home this is how it will be he will be home and just sleep. I'd rather he be out.
I'm the grand master control freak
Sometimes I feel like hamlet.
Is it too early to die though
Have I yet gods work to do
I dunt know. 
I have a ship to sail at work
Maybe at home with three kids
Then like sita I can ask the earth to swallow me up and she will
You know what I'm depressed.
I don't know how to get out of it
I realise I feel unloved by my husband and it's hurting me
It doesn't please me to know others have it worse
Just thinking of what I've written makes me realise I am depressed. I mention wanting to end my life. I feel sorry for me
I wish I could shake myself up and get the fuck on with life
Part of me worries does sutha ever feel like this
I am putting my happiness in the hands of others. The man the kids the friends. 
I need to find happiness within.