My kind of day is
The totally unscheduled one
I'm relaxed patient
I can spend time with the kids
I don't snap at them not tell at them
The minute I feel I have to get them ready to meet someone else and all I go crazy
My anxiety makes me unpredictable volatile and scary
I scared my kids yesterday so unnecessary
Coz my girl didn't smile as she went to bed.
I was at the end of my tether. All three wanted me and I just wanted to sleep
I'm also so insecure
I need my kids approval
I have to stop that. I don't need their approval. I just have to do my best for them without needing them to say thank you.
I scared them. I scared myself
I'm setting an example for them on how to behave when tired. Just shout scream bully the others.
Akshaya bullies them because I bully her.
But she's so morose. Maybe that's just her nature.
The other two are easy going
She always wants more always looks sad
Maybe that's just her.
I shouldn't take it personally.
Whatever her behaviour I had no call to he so harsh. They are terrified of me.
Now i see it. They had had a great day with me and wanted to call asleep around me.
Sigh.
I'm just awful.
And I feel so conflicted. Like. My parents aren't free I'm so busy at work. I have a ton of things to do. And these brothers schedule an open house this weekend. And expect me to be there. But it's my part business too. It's just awful.
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