Sashti

Hi.
Did sashti viratham this year
Also last year
Am very happy God helped me keep it. The first day was so hard I though I would not be able to this year. Coz I had a headache from the not eating. Or from other things I don't know
.

But have mixed feeling too if i want to be completely honest
1. Am I doing it out of a sense of devotion? Or a wish to lose weight? Both?  A need to test myself?
2. Do my intentions matter? Yes. Not that one is better than the other but purpose is key to anything
3. I do and did feel a great sense of happiness and pride esp on Sunday when I sang sasthi kavasam at the temple and didnt eat till 8.45! And i truly wasnt hungry that day! Most of the days I can't wait till 5pm!
4. That's another thing. I set  my own fasting rules. Which seem very lax now to me.
Fruits and milk and drinks ( coffee tea mocha Milo juices) and even the occasional nut or two. Until 5 pm. After that other than rice and chocolates I ate everything! Even chips one day! How ah? Counts as fast? Is time too short? Is the coffee and tea and milo all too indulgent?
Comes back to purpose right? I don't believe in following a fast for the sake of doing so or for appearing pious. It's personal. I want to experience amd practise restraint . I want to use that time to think of God.  I want to be aware of the feeling of hunger which so many millions feel. I want to be appreciative that this fast is a choice while for others it's not. I want to know that hollow day I've read about.

5. Then  during the fast I didn't give up other treats. Like reading and watching movies.  I just sang/ listened to sashti kavasam day and night.  I guess if my purpose was to be one with God truly and know God and think only of God I shouldn't be reading and watching movies? But I'm okay with it haha! As in I feel life is a balance between giving in to impulses and restraint. And during the fast I restrain myself  a little. With food. By saying prayers before I do things which means less time for watching movies and reading.
Anyway. Will figure it out I guess.