Aaya

my grandmother is like this tree. 

spreading her branches out and always upwards 

nurturing growth all around her

sustenance 

spring 

today I feel the poems

stop all the clocks by auden 

and because I could not stop for death by Emily dickenson 

life doesn't stop does it. 

I wish to be drenched in rain now

drenched in rain that is my grandmothers love

she was not a sensible grandmother 

haha no! 

she was a fun loving life living grandmother 

who relishes ice-cream and pepper chicken and chillie crab and tandoori prawns 

she would spend above her means

borrow to buy gifts 

order podi for me and thattai for ashwin and karivadagam for saro and So on and so on. 

love

the only word for her is love 

she loves her family her families families. 

her blood runs in me

I'm so happy to say 

like an unbroken thread 

from mother to daughter to grand daughter to great grand daughter 

I believe her mother was the eldest child too. so that's five generations of first daughters. 

the lines on her face a map of her journey 

a young child a young bride a young mother 

a fiercely independent lady who took care of her 9 children

saw them married and cared for their grandkids after that 

part of me wishes time would stop 

give me time to grieve to remember 

but I have workshops to run, meetings to attend 

classes to take my kids too

this is the life my aaya said was a life of busyness

I'm Waiting and worrying

I shall trust instead 

Trust in his goodness 

I see my gramdmothers face in my mother's and my mother's in my daughters

what about me? 

it's okay that the tears don't flow don't rush 

I'm gonna quit worrying 

for awhile.

enjoy this breeze

the sound of water 

the quiet within 

slow down 

take deep breaths

I cannot control everything