v2

The Idly Speaks to the 8-year-old 

Why do you cry when you see me

at your Appatha’s home?  

I sit here, an empty canvas, 

ready to soak in 

the sunshine of sambar

the verdant blaze of chutney

the blush of fish gravy

Yet, you blanch whiter than me

when you spy me sitting 

on the banana leaf

“Idly again!” you moan.

Too round, too soft,

To you, I am boring

But, you cannot just 

fringe my edges with light strokes,

so I stay pale-bordered, pristine 

You need to dab me boldly,

let the colours seep into me

Only then will you see

I am NEVER ‘idly again’

You just need to know

how to paint with me.

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• I think the poem can be elongated to really explore the 8 year old’s reaction/response to having the idly placed in front of them. Right now, we cannot really see how vehemently the child chooses to reject and how it can be fleshed out vividly for the reader. The poem’s stanza could be a ping-pong between the idly lamenting yet celebrating how beautiful it is in contrast to the stanzas that show the child’s rejection. This could elevate the poem and allow the last two lines to really deliver the punch proper.

• With that said, the other comments are still significant and I feel will help polish this piece even further. There are some very beautiful wording/imagery associated with the idly and I believe it should stick that way. Consider the placement of words and lines as the precision can really affect the way things read/sound in the mind! Almost there!