A beautiful fun night of fun
Spoiled by a petty argument over the worst of devils money
When i didn't k ow I was clueless and happy go lucky about money
Didn't feel it didn't know
Earned and spent happy happy
And then I saw
I knew and the seed was planted
I am paying more per month for the family
Why should I
Has he planned it this way
That horrible story I read. Was there truth in it in my own family.
Is he so calculative
That he will refuse to pay for things he seems is mine to pay
The horrible seed grew and grew
I watered it with fears and jealousies
And then
It all burst out
And I have been blind to all the good things he does and pays for
I've made his aware and scared of this monster within me
I realise I had a lot of assumptions
And a lot of competing beliefs fighting within me
Like I had assumed he was paying more per month
That he would
That the man's role is that.
But that does not gel with my personal goal of self sufficiency.
So then I guess I want fairness
But there can be no fairness in a marriage
One party should and will do more than the other in one or more areas
In those households where the man pays for all the woman does most of the housework
So..
I need to take deep breaths and go back to my old self. The caring "lavish self" who earned and spent without thought.
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