what I did yesterday

Yesterday I cleaned out a store room 

a tiny space near the front door 

that spilled out a sea of stuff

assorted, collected over the last 6 years of living in this house 

it had been periodic cleaned, but never like this, with its guts spilled out all over the living room floor 

I picked my way through it, slowly, sorting as I went along

bags bags bags.. I never want to see another bag in my life 

drawstring bags, paper bags, cloth bags, canvas bags, tote bags, plastic bags, shoe bags, gift bags, big bags, travel bags.

I left the children's art work for the last.

Their early years of scrawls and scribbles take me back to when they were so small, they poured all of themselves into those pieces

I study them

My eldest, perhaps wanting to impose order in this house of disorder, her drawings are full of compartments where each family member does their thing neatly , either alone or together. She draws neat bedrooms with clothing stacked in order, a tidy kitchen, a living room space, with stick figures smiling in each allotted space.

My son, his drawings couldn't be more different. Full of untidy lines emanating energy, his are peopled with monsters of all shapes and sizes and they are always in a frenzy of activity. There goes a dinosaur-like monster running away with the eggs of another, looking over its shoulder to see if it's being followed. Then it rises a cliff and falls to its death spectacularly. 

My youngest, she has the fewest drawings I've saved, having learned to appreciate and discard by the time she reached her drawing age. I feel a twinge. Still I see her work. pretty, girls in gardens with flowers and trees.

And so many declarations of love, for me,  for their father, for both of us. No wonder I had kept all of them so long, for how can I throw away a scrap of paper that carries my babies' hearts. 

I look at them all, pick a few to keep, then with a heavy heart, I thank the rest for showing my kids' love and artistry to us, and put them away for recycling. 

Can love be recycled? Paper can, so there it goes. 

Now my store cupboard can breathe. and my house feel lighter, it has shed a few pounds.