the slow descent

I feel the slow descent 

into madness or despair or a mix of both

lying naked on my bed

my family is outside 

but i am not there 

when I sit on the sofa 

dread sits with me

for I know not how to live 

when my daughter is not well

I fear I may have fed her poison from my own hands

couscous with chillie and pepper coz she asked

I feel despair 

fear 

and I take it out by being grumpy 

with saro

with ashwin 

I am stuck

and need help