Ashwin feels there are bed bugs biting him
I have seen two at least
So I am sympathetic towards him
Are there bugs?
Not sure
Maybe maybe not
My brother.
Sigh
It's my expectations
I really wanted to see deepa
I'm hurt he didnt bring her
But that's taking things personally
In the end our children are our problem
Like how I dont show pics of the kids on fb that much
My wish my right. To protect the kids.
So he wishes to protect her.
Anyway. No point keeping it all inside .
He didnt show her to my parents for 9 months
I can't remember the last time I saw her. Was not this year I think. I think I saw her st some function. There I entertained her.
He turns up to talk to my dad. Just him.
Eosh he wouldn't leave us all out of it
We would be happy to be part of deepa life and help her if he tells us how
How to let him know?
Then I mentioned dr vella. They didn't seem happy I forgot. Or maybe I did it to hurt them
They went to the zoo instead of coming to my place for deepavali. I lean really. That's what we have become.
But it's his right. These events are stressful. All that comparing going on in his mind.
I have enough to worry about.
But I miss her.
Ashwin wanted to talk to him. I didn't even tell them to come say bye
Guess I wasnt thinking
Or I was a bit sad mad
I had wanted to go 0ver to see them. Then I could have seen her. But he said he would come over.
Then only he and rajee came
I like rajee
I wonder how she feels
If she regrets marrying him
Or if they are happier now by far
That they hardly see us
Like maybe they've far away now maybe
In another country.
I have si much love to give children
My own
Devi 's kid
Malar's kid
But I dont see deepa
I will not beg
His daughter he can keep out of the worlds eye or just our eyes
My dad. My mum. Myself .the three greatest villains in his life.
Wish he would move. Migrate. Get away.
Sigh
My brother. Mine. I nust make the effort.
Come to think of it
It's completely in character for him not to bring deepa anywhere
I'm the one with unreasonable expectations.
Where has he not brought her
Let me count the ways
Not to the temple for aaya's function
Not to aishu's birthday party
Not to akshaya's party
Not to dev's party
Even he didnt come to kaavya's party. Said he came for her birth so it's enough. Didnt even call.
He's fairly autistic himself I think I dint mean in a bad way. Just that he has his own way of seeing the world his own way of how things should work.
We shouldn't talk to vendors. Nor to his maid. A control freak. Paranoid. Thinks the worst
How will things pan out?.
My bigger fear.. if I admit it..
Is the spectre of what may await me in the future
A child who is dead against me
One of my three precious children whom I thank God for every day and shower my love on
The horror of one of them one day not loving me
It's no rule that kids must love parents though
Parents have a duty to look after and bring up children
Children... dont owe parents anything but duty. Not love.
No comments:
Post a Comment