our helper of 8.5 years
she is the only one my aishu has known really
I'm blessed to have had someone willing to stay with us that long and for us to feel for one another when she leaves
May God bless her abundantly.
somehow her departure feels like a turning point in my life too
I think saro wants to join his best buddy in a committee again next year
and I'm in a position having to decide between letting the loved one go like butterfly
and holding
but guess that's not hardest to bear
see he has work family one temple already. the last time he tried 2 temples the family nearly fell apart. akshaya felt majorly sick three times I was unhappy a lot aishu started worrying about divorce and whom to live with
so if he wants to do this again .
cannot keep adding. something will give.
and guess if he chooses one more temple it means he is willing to give up family.give up me.
and earlier today it seemed unbearable to have to do it alone again
but now less so
though I really don't want sex with him if so.he can do it himself or outside with anyone else I couldn't care less
something will give you know
and the wall that I put up last year and took down slowly will come up again, pricklier than ever. something has to give.
.what will be hard is to be neutral about him to the kids. kids deserve a father. for that I'd have to really not care! .ah well
20 years is a good run.
update .
i literally fell sick. headache vomiting
but had a conversation with saro
turns out he had said no and was just managing his friends feelings about it
guess we both realised how traumatised i was about last year
I came out and said things that I had just thought or penned. that our marriage was in danger last year. that I was quite unstable even. I had reached my limit.
yesterday I felt it.. tailspin, spiral downwards out of control
such a visceral experience . now feel so settled and normal but then omg
and if I can fall.like this on a word, really not as stable as I think
No comments:
Post a Comment