tears

why did I cry so much yesterday 

and why did he cry so much today 

yesterday I cried because I felt a fool

that I placed so much more value on something he didn't

the one who feels more than the other is always the fool no

he cried

because I cried? 

he said he felt bad and sad

I am weary now

and grown up

it's like I felt I let my guard slip a little yesterday and he wound his way in and hurt me 

and now the guard is back up

it's very interesting I guess

to always be a state of balance

to love but not too much

to love without expecting 

to always be steady and stable 

larger than myself

yesterday I howled. 

primal somehow 

but today is a new day 

and I am calm 

I don't believe in true love.

I believe in love that we work on, work at 

the quiet touches not the grand gestures 

yesterday he fooled me

went home to get changed, shaved

got me flowers.

I got swept away

and then dumped haha

I deserve it

yesterday I realised 

he never sleeps alone

and if  I sleep with him 

I am also never alone with him

he has his phone with him

and with it all his friends acquaintances colleagues

he is a man of the world

born to serve

and I am selfish

to think him mine for a night 

that's what I realised yesterday 

he belongs to the world 

like God maybe 

and I should be happy with the bits I get

I got upset because for a moment

I thought I had him

that's what God is teaching me

I don't have anybody

I don't have those rights with anybody.

none of us have

heartbreak comes when we think people owe us

everything is a blessed bonus

no expectations 

something I know and can keep aspiring to I guess 

I feel better knowing maybe what made me cry like that. wonder how saro is dealing with his pain. he is a good man. tries to do so much all the time. doesn't cut himself any slack at all. he must have been so crushed that our perfect evening crashed like that. sigh. 

I love him very much.  

the fact that I was so affected merely attests to the fact. that in itself is something to be celebrated. 

and his sobbing today. also a sign of love I think. 

we love each other. isn't that worth discovering and celebrating on our anniversary?